Kiss Me Again
by My name is Seren Dipity
Summary: When a relationship begins, how do you face the challenges that life throws at you and still keep close to your lover? Jazz and Edward are starting this journey & get to learn more about each other and themselves on the way - AH AU- Sequel Kiss Me
1. Into the Fire

**AN : **

**Hugs and kisses to OCDJen for pre-reading, and Penny, Mrs. Agget, for beta'ing. **

**Lots of thanks to those who reviewed, to the ladies and gentleman with whom I WC'ed, to the ones who send me love and show me support.**

******Warning: **This story contains slash. That means men having sex with other men. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you're under 18, this is not for you.  


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. However, I have a very nice leather notebook.**

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JPOV

Four months and eighteen days. That's how long Edward has been in my life. And I felt like it had been turned upside down.

I had just broken up with Felix, my boyfriend of two years, and was fully enjoying being single. The prior months had taken a toll on me. Between Felix's constant demands to settle down together and my increasing workload, things had just kind of fallen apart.

Freshly promoted to a senior position in one of the top five strategy consultancy companies in the US, I had much more work than I could handle, in addition of all the travels to meet the clients, spread all over the country. That was the downside. The upside was definitely the salary; At the age of twenty-six, I had managed to save quite a lot of money and had a great life style. That was all I wanted, unlike Felix, who was desperate for us to get married, to buy a house and start a family. I had nothing against that on paper, but I couldn't see myself with Felix for the rest of my life. The boredom of our life would have been excruciating. It took me a few months, and an eye-opening discussion with Bella, my dear sister, to realize that I wasn't really in love with Felix; we were more friends with benefits than anything else. So, after a very dramatic separation, a few fights, and the loss of half of my friends over him, I became a bachelor, which was more than satisfying.

Until I met Edward.

He made quite an impression on me. And since that moment, I had realized, albeit a bit confused, that he was always on my mind. I was nowhere near prepared for him or for the whirlwind of emotions he would make me experience.

Being back at my company headquarters for a few weeks, I was supposed to make a presentation of my job to the students of my former college. I thought it would be fun to go back and meet my old teachers. After the presentation, I had decided to walk around the campus and rediscover where I've spent four years of my life. I wandered around the buildings, remembering the stupid pranks I did, the parties and the football games I went to, and the friends I had made there. There was one special place, dear to my heart, that I wanted to return too. Walking down the side of the library, and past the bushes, was an inscription I had placed there, a few days after learning my father had died.

'_If you are reading this, it means you know I was there. And now I'll be living in your thoughts forever_.' Touching it with the tips of my fingers, I felt a flow of emotions rushing through me as my eyes watered.

_Dad, I miss you._

A shuffling movement interrupted my thoughts. Turning around, I saw a young man standing a few feet from me. His intense gaze froze me into place. His eyes were full of annoyance, as if he disapproved of my presence here. I was taken aback by his reaction, and was about to question him, when his gaze flew from the inscription to me, and he began to relax. He seemed surprised, but soon I discerned understanding in his regard.

"You are the one who wrote that, aren't you?"

I nodded; a bit startled that he discovered it.

"Why?" The intensity was back again, but this time his eyes were full of questions.

"My Dad just passed away." He nodded to me, his eyes finally leaving my face to look at the nearby trees. I heard him sigh. He was nearly in tears. He stepped towards me and stood by the tree facing my inscription. "Here. Look."

Confused, I walked to him and examined the plane tree. '_I'll always think about you' _was carved on the wood.

"A friend and I found your message in the middle of our freshman year. We were drunk and hiding from some guys… Anyway… We spent the rest of the night imagining who had written that and why. If you knew the things we came up with!" He paused, chuckling sadly and getting lost in his thoughts. Having a bad feeling about what he was going to say next, I put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me, a small smile on his lips. "That friend, Mike, died in a stupid car accident a year later."

"And you wrote that message for him," I continued. He nodded and looked back at the tree.

Sharing the pain of losing a loved one, I wanted to bring him some comfort. Let him know that the sorrow would gradually dim, tell him that soon he would feel serenity when remembering his friend. But I also knew that sometimes words weren't enough. My hand left his shoulder to massage the nape of his neck, trying to soothe him by this simple gesture.

He looked like a boy who had to grow up too fast. His tall, well-designed body, and two day old stubble on his square jaw, gave him the appearance of a man. But the vulnerability he had showed during our small encounter, and his genuine trust in me, gave away his youth. He glanced at me, blushing slightly, as I smiled softly at him.

_He is definitely younger than he looks_.

The vibrations of my phone brought me back to reality. With a last gentle squeeze on his neck, I let go of him. Checking my messages, I realized I had to go back in town.

"I need to leave."

"Ok. I'll walk you back to your car then." He clearly wasn't expecting any refusal from me, so I showed him the way.

Breaking the silence, he suddenly asked: "Why did you engrave it there?"

I chuckled at his question. "I wish I could tell you that my Dad loves reading and so I thought of a beautiful message to leave for him behind the library. But that wouldn't be true. I was drunk, sad out of my mind, and I just didn't want him to disappear forever. I must admit that it took me two days to find back this place once I sobered up…. You're not too disappointed, are you?"

He laughed. "No. I like your honesty." His face reddened a bit as he added: "To tell you the truth, after spending the night guessing who wrote the message, Mike and I settled on Miss Gianna."

"Miss Gianna?" I replied dumbfound. "You mean the sour old librarian who only wears stirrup pants? Is she still working here?"

"Yeah, she is. And she hasn't changed one bit."

"Why on earth would Miss Gianna write that on the back of the library?" I asked

Smirking, the young man explained: "For Heathcliff, her cat. He disappeared one day, and she is quite the romantic type, so we thought… you know…" He trailed off with a slight shrug.

I was openly laughing now. I had never thought that my little inscription would cause so many questions and thoughts. Once at my car, I decided to tease him a little.

"You must have been so disappointed when you realized that I wasn't Miss Gianna."

"Bitter old lady loving her cats more than any human beings versus tall and attractive blond man who empathizes with people. Hard choice indeed." His tone was full of sarcasm.

"Attractive?" was my only reply.

He looked at the ground, embarrassed.

_So he is gay, and damn cute too. Brave and shy at the same time._

Extending his hand to me, he finally met my eyes again. "I am Edward, by the way."

"Jasper." I answered as we shook hands.

Fidgeting on his feet, his hands in his back pockets, he used all his courage to speak again: "Staind is doing a concert in town this coming Tuesday. They were Mike's favorite band. I was planning to go… just… you know… What I am trying to say is, would you like to share this with me, for Mike?"

His voice full of hope affected me. I also wished to get to know him more.

"Sure. For Mike." He grinned at me, grateful.

I felt my heart flustered as I tried to find a business card. "Here is my personal number. Just text me the details and I'll meet you there."

"Ok." His satisfied whisper filled my mind as I climbed in my car and left my former college.

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_Flashback: 1__st__ Date_

I was running late and I missed the beginning of the concert. The bar was packed and I couldn't see Edward anywhere. The barstool was elevated and probably the best place to find him. I asked for a beer as the first notes of "Tangled Up in You" begun. The room became silent, everyone sitting. I screened the room and finally spotted him in a corner, leaning against the wall, one hand behind his back, beating time on his thigh with the other one. He looked melancholic, completely lost in his thoughts. Lulled by the slow song, he was a sight to behold. All the fondness I had felt for him two days before came back to me and warmed my heart. What was it about him? Why this tenderness? It wasn't a sexual feeling. Well, lust wasn't far behind, to be honest. I was just denying that part. I could still do it for the moment. But I couldn't help the need to hold him, to protect him. Not like with a kid or with a brother. Or with a total stranger during a one night stand.

_Edward, what are you doing to me?_

As if he heard me, his head turned and his eyes fell on me. His gaze was intense like the first time. And like the first time, I could see all the emotions going through them: pensiveness, recognition, surprise, relief, and joy. I smiled at him tenderly, trying to communicate silently that I was also happy to see him. He moved before me, quickly talking to a guy seated at the table in front of him, and then he came towards me. He leaned on the barstool beside me, his shoulder touching mine. His head tilted towards me, looking at me through his lashes with a timid smile.

_Damn Edward! Please don't do this to me. _

He spoke to me but I couldn't make out what he said over the music. Coming dangerously closer to me, he repeated: "Have you been here long?" I shook my head no. His nose brushed against my cheek, his breath fanning my face. I inhaled, tasting his scent on my tongue. _Crushed seashells_, I thought. He smelt of crushed seashells warmed by the sun. And sandalwood, like the scent of earth, rocks and lush hedgerows on a summer day. The need to touch him was overpowering; the tips of my fingers were tingling, desperate to feel his skin. My hands were trembling, frustrated at not already holding him. But instead of moving, I concentrated desperately on my beer and asked him if he wanted one.

"No I can't yet. But I'll have a coke." He must have seen my confusion as he added quickly, "I am not 21 yet."

"When will you be?"

"In 10 months. And you?" He smiled playfully at me.

"I was 21 five years ago."

Nudging me, he replied: "Don't worry, you are safe going out with me; youth isn't contagious!"

_Smart ass..._As if it was the problem here. I was a bit surprised by this bolder version of the young man. The shyness had been left at the door and alcohol couldn't even be blamed. But I must admit that I liked him this way. _A Lot_.

"I came with some friends. You want to meet them?" He asked.

"Sure."

Grabbing his coke in one hand, he came behind me and put his free hand on the small of my back. Pushing me forward he explained, "Right in front of you, in the corner."

I was a bit confused about the way he chose to bring me to his friends, but soon realized that he was just using all the excuses he could to touch me. It quickly became pure torture. At the end of the evening if someone had asked me the names of his friends or the number of songs played that night, I would have been incapable to answer. Yet, I could vividly recall each and every place he put his hands on me. Or his breathe on my neck. Or the brush of his nose on my ear. He was driving me crazy. Each touch was making me crave him even more. All thoughts of tenderness were gone and lust was quickly all I could feel.

The worst was that he didn't really seem to notice what he was doing. He didn't smirk once at me. Or look at me sexily. He sat very close to me, never really meeting my gaze, but stealing glances from time to time, when I was faking interest in anything other than him.

_My brave, bold and naïve boy._ I was falling hard and wasn't at all ready for this. Two days ago, I was enjoying my life as a bachelor, swearing to stay single until at least the end of the year. And now I was calling a man I met 48 hours ago "my boy". I needed to slow down the pace and figure some things out first. Frankly, I was scared about my feelings for him. I cared more about him in two days that I have ever cared about Felix in two years. That thought made me feel ashamed.

As the night ended, I tried to keep some distances and avoid his attempt at touching me. But each time, his sad glances unsettled me. I gave up and stroked his arm reassuringly. I was rewarded with a sweet and blushing smile that made me forget all thoughts of staying away from him ever again.

"Where did you park your car?" Edward's voice brought me back to reality. "This way." I answered. He followed me to my car and leaned on it waiting for me to unlock the door. Opening the door, I turned around to face him.

Bold Edward was back; I could see that in his eyes. He reached for my hand, lacing the tips of his fingers with mine and pulled me gently to him. I let him do it, while one side of my brain wanting badly to know what he had in mind; the other part was sending me warning messages.

His eyes studied me, his lips closing the distance between us, the top of his nose caressing the side of mine. I could taste his breath on my tongue, a mixed a coke and salty peanuts and my mouth watered. My resolve was melting with every breath he took. He seemed to see the battle that was raging in me, as he said: "You're going to make me wait, aren't you?"

I remained silent, having no clue how to explain my reactions to him in one sentence. Or in two for that matter. Maybe if he spent the next five hours listening, I would be able to clarify my feelings. Though I might need to sort them out before hand. Staying silent definitely seemed like the easiest thing to do, so I just nodded.

"Fair enough. I'll wait." He stepped back, squeezing my hand and caressing the top with his thumb. I already knew that avoiding him wasn't an option for my own peace of mind, but spending an evening with him was way to tempting as well. One solution: Day Date.

Trying to regain a semblance of composure, I breathed deeply and steadied my voice. "There is an expo about The Civil War at the Museum of History. My Dad used to participate in reenactment back home. I was planning to go this coming Saturday. Would you like to share this with me, for my Dad?"

He smiled at me, squeezing my hand again and added "Sure. For your Dad, I'll come."

I chuckled, knowing that we had the exact same conversation a few days ago and that my Dad was just an excuse. Like Mike had been his.

"Just text me the details and I'll meet you there." He added, letting go of my hands and walking backwards to his car.

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_Flashback: 2__nd__ Date_

Our second date was fairly R-Rated. He must have read my mind because he kept the touching to the minimum. The whole afternoon in the museum was spent in a good companionship, with no flirting. And it felt surprisingly nice and easy to spend time with him. We shared knowledge about the Civil War, walking around the galleries, and looking at documents and paintings. He had a pretty decent knowledge of these historical events and some comments he made showed me how smart he really was. We then drifted to my Dad: his work as a deputy in the Marion County, his passion for history. I gave him some details on the Battle Of Jefferson Port and anecdotes on how he was so proud to participate every year to "the largest reenactment in Texas".

"You were pretty close to him. Did he know?" He asked.

"That I was gay? No, He didn't. I didn't have time to tell him." I sat down on a bench in the middle of the gallery. Edward joined me, putting his hand on my shoulder. "What happened?"

"I was afraid to disappoint him. I heard him laugh at some stupid gay jokes a few times so I never dared to approach the subject. I guess I was waiting for a sign, anything, to show me I could tell him. And then he died, shot in the neck by an old man who panicked during a checking."

Edward let his hand drifted to the nape of my neck and squeezed lightly.

"I was basically being a coward." I answered honestly.

"I am one too."

He brought his hand back to his lap as I looked up at him waiting for him to develop his answer.

"My parents don't know either. I have a bad feeling, especially with the new arm candy my Dad just married. My family is all about keeping up appearances. I am pretty sure having a gay son won't fit in the ideal image they have of themselves."

We both sighed at the same time, which made us chuckle.

"Well, that was a depressing conversation." I said, trying to lighten the mood.

Edward smiled at that. "We seem to have a quirk for speaking about very personal matters. I kind of like that."

"Me too." He said in a whisper that I nearly missed. His head was down, his face slightly turning pink. My shy boy was back and I kind of like that too. Wanting to lighten the mood and get to know more about him, I asked: "Tell me more about your friend Mike. A funny anecdote for instance."

"Hmmm… Mike was my very curious straight friend."

"What?" I was a bit startled by his comment. "What do you mean?"

"He went a few times with me to a gay club, and was really curious about 'the mechanics of gay love' as he said."

I snorted with laughter. That wasn't at all the kind of stories I was expecting him to share. "You can't stop here. You have to tell me more."

With a sheepish grin, he continued his story. "As I said, he was pretty intrigued about the whole ... hmmm… thing. So he asked me if he could try some things out with me, stating that it would be less awkward as we were best friends. I never quite understood his reasoning, but I let it slide as I wanted to know how far he would go."

Amused by his embarrassment, I saw him take a deep breath as he tried to gather some strength to finish his story.

"How far did you go then?"

"Not really far. We started making out; he seemed to enjoy it quite a lot. After a few minutes, he pressed me against him and brutally stopped. He then explained me that I was – I quote - 'too hard for him' and that he was missing 'the softness of boobs'."

I burst out laughing in the middle of the gallery, followed quickly by Edward. Everybody stared at us disapprovingly. A guard even asked us to leave the museum when he realized we had a hard time stopping. We only managed to calm down once we exited the building. Edward was the first to speak: "I really enjoyed this expo. Thank you for inviting me, I don't think I would have come to see it otherwise."

I grinned at him, pleased, even though I had no clue how to proceed from here: Day dating didn't make the goodbyes any easier. Trying to come up with something, I proposed: "Maybe next time you could show me something you like."

"Ok! I presuppose our next date should be during daytime too." He was trying very hard to look perfectly innocent, as if his remark wasn't insinuating anything. Before I could react, he added: "If you don't mind having a sandwich for lunch, I could bring you to the City Gallery next Wednesday."

Smirking at him, I just nodded. His mask cracked up, letting place to the sweetest smile. _Why did I suggest day dating again?_

I brought my hand to his cheek and slowly brushed the side of his face. "Sure. Just text me the details and I'll meet you there." He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. It took me all the will I had to step back and leave him.

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_Flashback: 3__rd__ Date_

Our third date passed as a blur for me. He was studying to become an architect and so brought me to a gallery with models of the most famous buildings in the world. I spent the whole visit smiling, more focused on his facial expressions than on his constant babbling. I honestly found his description of the different kind of skyscrapers very interesting, but the speaker was just much more fascinating. Every so often, he would pass his hand through his hair, pulling at it while glancing at me, making sure I was still listening. I then could catch his eyes that were sparkling with passion, brightening his whole features. His lips kept on moving, mesmerizing me. His tongue darted out, wetting them, while he took a breath, and started talking again. I had the strongest urge to taste them, feel their texture on my tongue, and lick the bottom one. I wanted to lose my hands in his hair and pull it for him. To reveal his neck and bite his white skin, marking him. I was desperate for his eyes to be filled with desire for me and not from enthusiasm for his studies.

_Why am I even resisting him?_

My mind was blank from the lack of answer and my need for him just took charge of my whole body. My right hand grabbed his neck and drew him towards me. The left one circled his waist to secure him against me. His body heat was feeding the fire within me as I pushed my lips to his, and tormented them. My tongue forced its way inside him, consuming his breath. I wanted us to melt into one; to have his moans became mine, to be deep inside of him, feeling his feverish skin surrounding me.

"Jasper...." His desperate plea sent a shiver in my whole body. It was the first time I heard him say my name. There was so much longing and need in his voice, that I wanted him to be the only one to ever say my name again. The only one I kiss, the only I hold, the only one, period.

The fire of his kiss, our first one, had lightened up all my being and all shadows of fears and doubts had disappeared. I felt complete and serene: my life would be full of him.

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**Reviews are like a kiss from Jasper: pure happiness. And you get a teaser!**


	2. All I Need

**AN: All my love and thanks to my pre-reading/beta Dream Team: OCDJen and Mrs. Agget. **

**I am also planning to have a collective hug with all of those who reviewed! I'll invite Jasper and Edward to join us:) See, I know how to make you happy!**

******Warning: **This story contains slash. That means men having sex with other men. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you're under 18, this is not for you.  


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But I do have a great new flat (I just need to finish to move in!)**

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_EPOV_

_Flashback: A month after they met_

My heart was pounding loudly and it all felt like a blur. I've been walking around these streets for God knows how long, unable to determine where to go or what to do. I just couldn't wrap my head around what happened. Fragments were coming back to me: the anger and upset look of my Dad face, the sadistic satisfaction on the face of my new mother-in-law, Tanya, the distress and incomprehension on Emmet's.

I leaned against a wall on the side of the road, trying to hide myself from the world. I so desperately wanted this flow of emotions to stop.

Though I didn't plan on coming out during the traditional Sunday's brunch, it just kind of happened. A guest made a joke about homosexuals, mentioning the son of one of his competitors. They all laughed hard, and I blurted it out, thinking about Jasper and his Dad, his lost chance to discover his son.

_Three little words to turn my life up side down_.

I didn't even realize saying it out loud. The collective gasp of the guests made me register it. The general surprise wasn't what shocked me. The reaction of my father was the one, which haunted me the most. He was ashamed of me, angry to feel like a fool in front of his guests. Summoning me to his desk, he didn't even look at me once. He didn't ask any questions either. I was waiting for "Are you sure?" or "Since when?", but he was only preoccupied by what his guests would say. Family troubles on our Sunday brunch weren't something that was supposed to happen.

There were no questions but a huge amount of annoyance and anger. How could I do that to him? How could I put him in this position in front of his potential clients? Did I even think about the consequences for Emmet's football carrier? No, I was just being selfish, thinking only about me and throwing it at the face of the world with my deviant habits? Why couldn't I shut up and have a double life like any "respectful" gay? I could have gotten married and given an heir to the family. But no, the temptation was too great; I had to out cast myself, and, most importantly, my family. I was basically ruining everything he worked for.

During all his rambling, the only thing I heard was that he didn't care about me. At all. I was just another pawn in his master plan for climbing the social ladder. How fucking hilarious! How painful! How horribly meaningless I felt. I was just a thing he possessed. No more no less. And like old clothes, he could throw me away once I became useless. He rejected his son, without so much as a glance back.

"You have embarrassed me beyond words. Get out! I don't want to see you again! "

"Dad?"

"Don't! Not right now. I just wish you weren't my son."

Replaying the whole scene in my head, over and over again, I couldn't breathe. The pain from the rejection was too harsh. I was in full panic mode: the foundations of my life had just been destroyed, and my inner-self was falling apart. With no more ground under my feet, I was falling into an endless pit of darkness. Until a hand appeared and caught me.

_Jasper_.

Without realizing it, I had walked to his flat and was standing in front his door. I suddenly needed him like I needed air. I needed to feel him, touch him, and breathe him in. I needed his comfort, his strength, and his love. I knocked at the door and waited for him.

And then, Jasper opened it. I attacked him, grabbing his neck with one hand, crashing my lips to his, and pushing my tongue into his mouth. Our bodies collided and I could feel his hardening cock against my hip.

_Love me; show me you care; show me I am worthy._

Every lap of my tongue against his, every pressure of my hands on his back and his neck, every move I made was just a plea towards him.

He tried to push away from me, but I couldn't let him go. Not now. Not after today. I needed him. Letting him breathe, I kissed and nipped at his jaw, descending to his neck, pulling him impossibly closer to me. My hand wandered under his shirt and up, touching his bare skin. I pressed my cock against him, showing my need for him. He tried to shove me away, his hands pushing against my shoulders.

"Please Jasper…" I begged into his neck, breathing him in. I needed him to heal me, to close the hole in my heart, to show me that I wasn't just a mean to an end.

He took my face in his hands and obliged me to look at him. All I saw was concern, tented with love and lust. He moved his lips, wanting to speak, but I cut him with a finger, shaking my head no.

"Please… just…love me…" I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I was desperate for his concession. I would not be able to handle another rejection tonight. So I implored him silently, knowing if the dam broke loose, I would drown in an ocean of despair that was awaiting me. He was frowning, trying to decipher my reaction. Studying my face, noting the distress, his eyes softened and I thought I saw love before determination settle in them. Brushing his thumbs on my cheeks, he came closer and kissed me softly. Deepening the kiss, I choked in my relief. He wasn't abandoning me. A man I'd known for barely four weeks was ready to accept me. _Me_. Without words, just proving to me with his kisses, his tender caresses along my body, his impossibly hard cock now grinding against mine that he was there… for _me_.

He made me wait three long dates just for a kiss, and _now..._ well, this was worth the wait.

Desperate or not, this was... this felt... _so right_.

He guided me to the bedroom and removed my clothes, his caresses so soft, so full of tenderness. He pushed me on the bed and hovered above me. Clad only in my boxers, I felt his hands roam over my bare chest, like a balm for my troubled mind. Even the sweet, resinous aroma that was typically Jazz was comforting me. Closing my eyes, I found my solace in his touch. I was cocooned in a bubble, where no one could hurt me. All I could feel was his love wrap around me. I needed it closer to me. So I grabbed Jasper by his shoulders pulling him against me, reveling in the weight of his body on mine, in his warmth.

Wrapping myself around him, our legs became tangled mess; my hands became lost in his hair. His heart was beating fast, echoing mine, yet his seemingly calm ones answered each of my anxious beats. It strangely soothed me.

I had lost a piece of myself tonight, and the emptiness seemed to grow bigger with each step away from the family house. Being in Jasper's arms, I felt protected, yet still, incomplete.

"Jasper?"

Supporting himself on his elbows, he looked down at me, smiling tentatively.

"I need to know where I belong."

Softly resting his forehead on mine, he nudged gently the tip of my nose and kissed it.

"I need you inside me."

He closed his eyes tightly at my last whisper, biting his lips, his whole body shivering over me. Catching his breath, he asked: "You're sure?"

I just nodded, brushing my lips on his hesitantly and sighed in his mouth when he deepened the kiss. All uncertainty faded and he took the lead: He drew himself up, sitting on my lap and undressing himself. The determination was back on his face as well as what I thought was love. Leaving only his black underwear on, he came back above me, consuming my naked chest and neck with bites and wet kisses. Each one of his touches was filing my emptiness, feeding me with love and giving me back my strength. His breaths on my shaft, one hand sliding under my ass and the other tugging down at my boxers proved me the force of his desire for me. Capturing my cock in his lips, he was nursing me back to life.

My moans increased, following the rhythm he had while taking me all in. I needed so much more: parts of him around me weren't nearly enough. He must have heard my frustrated whimpers as his fingers traveled down my body and found their destination, pressing against me. They were surprisingly slick with lube and entering me deliciously slow. I arched towards him, mind and body desperate to feel more of Jasper. But he took his time, listening to my groans to adapt the tempo of this thrust as he prepared me. Once I was a whimpering mess, he let go of me. From the noises I heard next, he was throwing away his underwear, putting a condom on and adding lube before coming back to me. Kissing his way back up, he rested one hand on my face, brushing his thumb on my cheek. His gaze finally met mine, his stormy blue eyes making sure one last time that it was what I wanted. I might have lost a family but I had him. Maybe it was all I had left, but it was all I needed. So grabbing his hair, I pulled him to my lips and whispered: "Take me Jasper."

With a low moan, he entered me and I cried out. Silencing my cries with his tongue, he shared the pain and discomfort with me. He made me forget everything but him, with every lap of his tongue, every inch of him going deeper inside of me. I felt light-headed, drunk in the feel of him, in his scent, in his touch. His thrusts lulled away all details of this awful day, filling me with promises of beautiful memories together. Holding on to him, I rode the waves of pleasure he was sending through me. I was unable to keep any coherent thoughts, and only felt my body's reactions to Jasper's desire: flashes of warm colors on my eyelids, tingling sensation running throughout my whole body, sobs climbing in the back of my throat, and wetness on my cheeks. I heard needy moans in my ears. I felt the increasing coming and going from his cock inside me, mine brushing repetitively against his hard abs. My hands gripped his soft curly hair, his tightened on my hips and neck.

Breathless, I felt my whole body contract as if I was shrinking into a small ball in my lower back. The ball was throbbing, too full of energy, ready to burst out. Which it did, a second later, extending back to its original size, forcing small pieces of me out of my body, sending me in overdrive, until darkness surrounded me.

"Love?"

First a tender voice. Then air on my skin; fingers brushing what I realized was my face; flickers of light settling on blood red lips, forming into a smile for me. _Jasper._

"You're back with me?"

"Hmm.…" Regaining consciousness of my body, I found myself on my side, cuddled against Jasper, my face resting on his fast-beating heart. I moved closer to him, not even stopping when I felt a sticky mess covering his abs. I felt to contented to care.

Jasper tried to untangle himself, keeping the condom in place with one hand, ready to pull out.

"Don't. Stay inside." My whisper spread goose bumps all over his chest. I wanted this blissful moment to last forever, to keep this serenity, as if nothing existed but us, as if I could melt within him and become one.

"I wish I could." Kissing my hair, he slid out of me, quickly closing and throwing away the used condom. Taking me back in his arms, he let me snuggle against him.

"You want to talk about it?" The magic was gone as a sharp pain pierced through my heart. Shaking my head no, I decided to push all the hurt away and concentrated on here and now. Here in Jasper's bed, his embrace, his love. Now, right after our first time. As realization dawned on me, I began panicking.

_God, what have I done?_

"Jasper? Are you mad at me?"

"For trusting me to comfort you and giving yourself to me? No, I'm not."

Letting out a breath I was holding, I tried to wrap my mind on what he just said. How could he be so understanding? Shifting a little, he raised my chin towards him, obliging me to meet his intense gaze.

"I love you Edward."

Four words to clarify everything: from his lack of anger, to his selflessness. Love. I was loved. Jasper loved me. I knew on our first date that his side was where I belonged, but I didn't expect him to feel the same way so fast.

"I love you too."

**xcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcx**

**Reviews are like a cuddle with Edward & Jasper: it makes you feel all-warm inside. So press the button!**


	3. Here with me

**AN : **Hello everyone!

I wanted to recommend you an OS by** Subtlepen**, called** "Simple**". It is in my fav, so go check it out. It isn't a new OS, it isn't old either for that matter. It's just a fic that touched me a lot, one of the few OS that stayed in my mind a long time after I read it.

A special and loving THANK YOU to** Darkira**, who took time to beta this chapter. You really should read her last OS:** "Unintended**". I want to say more but I don't want to kill the surprise. So just read:)

Once again, all my love and thanks to my pre-reading/beta Dream Team:** OCDJen **and** Mrs. Agget**.Their support, love and patience gave me the strength I needed to write this chapter. Love you Girls!

**Warning: This story contains slash**. That means men having sex with other men. If you don't like it, don't read it.** If you're under 18, this is not for you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.** But I now have a nice angsty playlist:) Wanna hear it? Go on my blog. The link is on my profile.

xcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcx

JPOV

He hadn't talked. I thought he would have opened up to me by now, but no.

From what I gathered, he had come out during some weekly event at his dad's. And that was about it. I presumed his father wasn't too happy about it, but as Edward wasn't speaking, I didn't really know.

I had tried different strategies to make him speak. Showing patience and letting him come to me had been the first one. Obviously, it didn't work. My next attempt had been asking questions. Edward looked at me, smiled sadly and either shook his head no or shrugged. A few times, I pushed him a bit and he stood up and left, pretending to have something to do. Generally I would receive a text message fifteen minutes later saying: "I can't, I'm sorry."

It was vaguely tempting to play the relationship card, as in "you talk or you're out." But it just didn't feel right. Not with Edward. Strangely enough, it never really bothered me to play this stupid game with Felix. I did it each time I wanted him to stop being annoying; each time he was pouting about something I did or didn't do. In other words, I did it a lot.

But in this case, it wasn't about me: it was about Edward. And he wasn't pouting; he was… keeping it all inside. I didn't even know why he was doing that. Did he think he was being a real man by not speaking? It was such a cliché; I really hoped it wasn't that. Was he afraid that I would judge him? Judge him for what? I didn't even dare tell my Dad I was gay.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized one thing: as much as I loved him, I didn't know him. We only knew each other for what? A bit more than four weeks. It was a blink of an eye. Sometimes though, it just felt like a lifetime. Everything was so natural with him by my side.

Everything except making him talk, apparently.

So I decided to try a new approach: sharing my past with him. If I wanted to know more about him, maybe I had to be the first to speak.

He was reading on the sofa facing the window. Sitting by his side, I let my hand massage the nape of his neck. By the way his eyes closed slightly and his head tilted to give me more access, I knew he liked this caress. It was funny how quickly you learned the smallest thing about someone and yet couldn't grasp the whole picture. I had to change that.

"I came out at my Dad's funeral."

Closing his book, Edward shifted on the sofa and put his palm on my thigh, showing me he was listening.

"Thinking about it now, I realized it wasn't the best decision ever. My Mum was devastated by her husband's death, and I could have been much more respectful of her grief. But I wasn't. I was completely focused on my own pain and drama: my Dad would never know me. I had never told him."

Looking through the window, watching the planes landing at the airport a few miles away, I lost myself into the past.

"I ruminated on the idea the whole day. Throughout the ceremony, I had only that on my mind. While his fellow deputies, and even the sheriff, were describing what a reliable, brave, and thoughtful man my dad was, the only thought in my mind was: _How come __**I**__ wasn't brave enough to tell him? Why didn't __**I**__ trust him?"_

I sighed, taking in a deep breath_._

_" _You cannot imagine how guilty I felt. So I decided to tell him anyway. After all, wherever he was, he probably knew by now. But telling him out loud seemed the least I could do."

Edward took my hand and squeezed it, creating a link to the reality, helping me to not be submerged by my memories.

"Mum, Bella and I waited at the cemetery for everybody to leave before sharing our last moments with him. Bella went first, then Mum. She was crying softly, touching his coffin as she would his skin, murmuring her last words of love. I wasn't the perfect courageous son. I was also crying, completely heartbroken by what had happened. Of course I was there for them, supporting and caring, trying to handle everything they couldn't deal with. Which wasn't much as women in my family are strong ladies. But at that moment, I was just my Dad's little boy. I didn't know how to live in a world without him. I was lost. So, I grabbed my Mum's hand and holding on tightly, I whispered: "Dad, I am Gay."

I paused, remembering the fear I felt after saying it and the weight, which lifted from my chest after revealing myself.

"The two women of my life showed me just how strong they were. Bella put her hands around my waist and hugged me from behind, while Mum looked at me tenderly and wiped my tears with her fingers.

Nothing was said that night, or the days that followed. It took a few weeks before these two incredible little evils invited me for lunch and started teasing me about my dates, my ex or current boyfriend. Mum and Bella even compared their taste in guys with mine. No recriminations, no drama, just pure acceptance. That evening, once back home, I felt full of their love. But at the same time, I was totally heart-broken that my Dad didn't share that with us."

Edward rested his head on my shoulder, still caressing my hand, drawing small circles on it. He snuggled closer to me and still didn't say a word.

"You do know that I am here when you are ready to talk, don't you?"

"I know", he sighed.

Making another attempt, I asked, "Why don't you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know."

"When you know, you'll tell me?"

He chuckled. "You want me to tell you when I know why I am not speaking to you about what happened at my Father's? "

"Well, I'll take what I can get."

Edward shifted to look at me, his face so serious. "Don't worry about me, Jasper."

Seeing my frown, he added, "Ok, I will. I promise." And then snuggled back against me.

_Silence 2, Jasper 1. Life is full of small victories._

A week later, though, he still hadn't talked. By then, he was living on the campus again. One evening, quite late, I went to his flat under the false pretence to give him back a notebook he left at home. I could take the silent treatment, but the rising rage in him was painful to see. Stripped from his family's support, Edward was just a shadow of himself. A gloomy one. I felt powerless and I couldn't watch him drowning in pain and anger anymore.

It started slowly, with just a few curse words here and there. His voice, nearly a growl, was what made me notice it: a mixture of frustration and contained ire. Then came the trembling hands, the closed eyes, and the deep breathing as if he was desperately trying to calm himself. He was just keeping it all inside: my Edward was way too proper to let it out.

Later, he started to get angry with pretty much anyone apart from me. From the noisy child upstairs to the old lady too slow in the corridor, everybody exasperated him.

I was certain that the only reason why he went back to his flat on the campus was because of his last outburst. He was piling the dishes in the sink, when a plate fell on the floor. This sent him into a rage. He called himself names with such violence! Before I reached him to calm him down, he threw his fist against the wooden cupboard, making a dent and hurting himself in the process. The brute force of his act took me totally by surprise. But what shocked me the most was that it took him five minutes to feel the pain in his hand.

Until then, my presence had seemed to slow the melt down process, but obviously I couldn't heal him. And I supposed the main problem was that he believed that I could. That's probably why he jumped on me that very first night. He was expecting me to make him whole again. But I couldn't. I couldn't replace his father. I couldn't mend the situation. All I could do was to listen, care, and love him. I would be patient, give advice and help him find solutions. But one thing was for sure: he needed to heal by himself, not alone, and not without love. But I didn't have the power to do it for him. And I was convinced the first step to recovery was letting the problem out, which he clearly didn't want to do.

So here I was, facing his front door, waiting for him to open it. He looked very surprised to see me there this late.

"Hey! You forgot this." I smiled, giving him his notebook.

Taking it, he asked, "You want to come in?"

"No. I was hoping to take you somewhere. Are you available now?"

He hesitated, his gaze not meeting mine, trying to find quickly an excuse to escape.

"Trust me, Love." I held out my hand to him, trying to convince him to come with me. "Please?"

He smiled sadly and started saying, "I'm so sorry."

"Sshh…. Just come with me." I drew him to me, silencing him with a kiss. God I missed his soft lips! I lingered longer on them, savoring this quiet moment and taking strength from his presence for what I had planned.

Gathering my courage, I whispered against his mouth, "Get your jacket and follow me."

The whole ride was made in silence. Seeing him bite his nails, I reached for his hand and brushed my thumb on his palm, giving him a small sign of reassurance.

Once we arrived, I led him inside a building, which looked like an old factory. It was isolated from everything, a few blocks away from the city, which was perfect for what I had in mind.

There was a boxing ring in the middle, a few small, tear-drop-shaped "speed bags" on the left wall, and two large cylindrical bags filled with sand, to practice power punching and body blows, on the right.

I went to the stereo and put the music on.

"Where are we?"

"One of my friends, Maria, owns this boxing gym. She trusts me with the keys and lets me use it anytime I want. I generally come when I need to take my stress out. I thought you might like to try."

"I didn't know you boxed."

I chuckled. "Who said I was boxing?"

Edward looked at me, confused. "So, what are you doing here when you want to get the steam out if you don't box?"

"Let me show you."

I walked to the far end of the gym, Edward on my heels. In a dark corner, there was a very old, very used heavy bag. It was attached to the floor and ceiling with a metal bar going through it. A tennis racket, which had seen better days, was there too. I took it and looked at Edward.

"Ready?"

He nodded, obviously perplexed by my actions.

I swung the racket with all the force I could muster on the bag, repeating the movement, again and again and again. I could hear grunts coming out of me. I was beating the poor bag, letting out my frustration not to be able to help Edward, my anger at his dad, my pain to see him hurt. Feeling I had nearly enough, I hit the bag for the last few times with a loud shout. I yelled out as long as I could, until no air was left in my lungs.

Catching my breath, I turned to Edward, who was watching me, dumfounded, his hands on his ears, his mouth and eyes open wide.

"You're completely crazy!"

I laughed. Well I tried to, but my voice was too raw and it came out funny.

"Try! What do you have to lose? Your sanity? I think we both know you are loosing it anyway. So?"

Edward opened his mouth, but no words came out. Shrugging off his jacket, he took the racket from my hands, sweeping his sweaty hands on his jeans. He took his position, picked the racket up and stopped.

"I feel like a total idiot."

"I know the feeling. I felt like that too the first time. Just try. One blow at least."

He focused back on the bag, his hands tensing up on the handle.

But he didn't move.

"Punch the damn bag, Edward! Just let it out. It is killing you and I can't stand it anymore. So hit it. Hit it dammit!"

And he did. Finally.

The first thump made a loud sound that echoed in the whole gymnasium. The second and third one came rapidly after, and soon, he was making a symphony of whimpers and blows. The low whimpers became soft groans, then stronger pleas and finally heartbreaking cries.

"Why? Why? Why can't you accept me? Why, Dad?"

My heart was racing and my chest contracting, each of his words taking my breath away, as if he was hitting my guts and not the bag.

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you…."

He was sobbing now, slowing his movements, fumbling on his feet. I caught him before he fell on the ground, the sound of the racket hitting the concrete floor echoed on the walls. Kneeling, I pulled a tearing Edward on my lap. I rocked us back and forth, trying to lull the pain and comfort him.

Bits of sentences were coming out of him, punctuated by whimpers. "Don't understand why… Doesn't care about me….". He was rambling, trying to make sense of his Dad's rejection. "So focused on appearance…all about him." I was trying to recreate the scene he was reliving in his head, but he was too incoherent.

"You know the worst?" He suddenly sat up and faced me, his expression so grave. "He doesn't want to speak with me anymore. I've tried and tried to contact him. I even went to the house. But he is never there. I am pretty sure he doesn't mind so much about me being gay. What he is mad about is that I said it in front of all his business partners. I basically killed his social image. That's why he threw me away. He chose his social status over his own son!"

I was lost for words. I just nodded, stroking his cheeks that were wet with tears. What the hell was I supposed to say now?

_Well at least he is talking._

"How do you think your Dad would have reacted? Have you ever thought about it?" He was looking at me, waiting for an answer that I didn't have.

"I honestly don't know, Edward. I have multiple scenarios in my head, but I will never know. Mum thinks that he would have been upset at first, but that he would have accepted me in the long run. I cherish that thought."

Edward looked at the floor, pressing his hand on my chest, over my heart.

"I am sorry I didn't tell you. I don't know how to be in a relationship. My parents divorced when I was a kid and Mum just disappeared. Dad spent his time going from one arm-candy to another. I don't know what to do, how I am supposed to react. In theory, from books and movies, I could guess, but in real life, it's just so much harder."

Hugging him, I whispered: "It is ok, Love. We'll figure it out. We'll create our own way to be together. Just the two of us."

He nodded against my neck, hugging me tightly. His breathing was still irregular as he was trying to calm down.

"As for your Father, maybe you could write him a letter; tell him what you have to say and let him decide if he wants to read it or not."

He hummed his reply, nestling even closer to me, pushing my back against the wall. I was ready to stay like this all night long if he demanded it. I would support him, protect him, encourage him and love him…. I might not have been as new as him regarding relationships, but I had never felt like this: so ready to be anything he needed me to, convinced that he was my life. What a strange and exhilarating feeling! I held on to him tightly, revealing in this strong embrace how much I love him.

"I wanna go home with you."

I cradled his head in my hands. "Home?"

Giving me one of the sweetest smiles I had ever seen, he repeated: "Yes, your flat. Home."

My chest tightened with adoration and pure happiness, as I told him: "Let's go home."

o**----**o**----**o**---**o**---**o**---**o**---**o

_Edward's letter to his Dad_

Dad,

I wrote this letter in my mind a thousand times, before being able to actually sit down and take a pen. I imagined a polite letter to tell you how I felt. I wanted to use arguments, rationality. I wanted to be your perfect son, the one you used to love and admire. But as you clearly don't, I think that I'll just let it flow and send it to you like this. Raw. Just like my feelings.

I am mad at you, and at myself. I can't believe I was so stupid to just blurt out I was gay like that. Why did you need to know anyway? Why couldn't I have waited until after I finished my studies? I know: I am using your money to get my diploma and then say fuck off.

Maybe I am a bad son, but you clearly are a bad father. You made a child selfishly, just because you wanted one. You never asked him if he wanted to be born. You just made him because you desired a little you going around, or you needed an heir for your company, or a meaning to your damn life.

But it was NEVER about the child. It was always about YOU! And once the child was there, you were expecting him to be everything you are not, do everything you didn't dare to do, to be exceptional. You were expecting him to be this magnificent and ideal version of you. A version that only exits in your head, that you certainly were unable to achieve, because you were just scared shitless. And when this child, your son, tried to be different from it, to actually be himself, what did he get? Rejection.

Damn you Dad! You are so wrapped up in your expectations that you don't see me anymore. You don't know me. You don't want to know me. You don't really care, as long as I am following the path you traced for me. As long as I bring you satisfaction, as long as you are proud of me.

So what should I do?

Follow some expected path, being unhappy for the rest of my life, but have the "satisfaction" to say: "it was my family duty." That's bullshit!

Or decide to be my true self from far away, always keeping my distance, always lying a little bit to protect myself. It was my plan all along: to protect you and your great dream of me. Never letting you, dear Dad, come too close. Is that being a bad son? Well, I am guilty then.

I suppose I got fed up trying to hide. I am honestly still not sure why I came out to you. Maybe I didn't want to be a coward anymore. Maybe I wanted to give you a chance to know me before you died. Not to have regrets. I mean, you are supposed to love me NO MATTER WHAT.

I am gay, Dad! I just prefer men! It is just a question of love. The gender of the person I love. What difference does it even make? Shouldn't you just be happy that I actually LOVE someone? Anyone? Can't a man be worthy of my love?

It isn't like I have killed someone, or raped, or robbed, or… I don't know. It is just about love.

But you rejected me.

You know the worst part? I kind of believe that you would have found a reason to reject me anyway. What would have been your reaction if I had married someone from another race? If I had decided to become a priest? If I had failed in High School and married my very pregnant 18 year-old girlfriend? If I were straight and just stayed an unknown architect? If I had became an actor? A straight porn actor? If I had a depression? If I was a gambler? Which one would have been the worst according to you?

It turns out I am everything you were expecting me to be. Good student, properly educated, fine piano player, perfect gentleman in society. I will become an architect, which is quite a high-standing position, even according to your criteria. No drugs, no alcohol, no drama. On paper, I am the perfect son.

I'm just gay.

If I weren't, would it have even been enough for you to love me? Would you have seen ME?

I'm afraid not.

All things considered, I can also tell you that I am disappointed. You are not the father I was expecting you to be.

But I love you anyway.

You don't.

-Edward

o**----**o**----**o**---**o**---**o**---**o**---**o

Since he sent his letter to his Dad a week ago, Edward's mood had increased considerably. He was back to his sweet, playful self.

"Edward, stop it."

He has been watching me during the whole dinner. Following the movement of my fork from the plate to my mouth, his eyes lingering on my lips and then my neck when I swallowed. Only he could make me feel uncomfortable while eating.

"I like watching you eat. It's just kind of fascinating to me."

I didn't know if I should roll my eyes at him or stand up and kiss him. He smiled teasingly at me and added: "I've always wanted to try one thing." He bent towards me, staring at my lips. I started to lean back on my chair when he whispered, "You should stay very still. Don't move."

I saw his tongue peeking out of his mouth, slowly wetting his lips and coming closer to me. I closed my eyes and my breathing picked up, already reacting to his nearness. And then I felt his wet tongue tracing a line from my chin to my bottom lip.

"Hmmm. Jazz's ice-cream."

Someone knocked at the door, cutting the sweetness of the moment. He stood up and went to open the door. A deliveryman was behind it, an envelope in his hand.

"Edward Masen?"

"Yes."

"Please sign here."

He signed and took the envelope. It was from his Dad.

"How does he know you live here?"

Keeping his eyes on the letter, he replied: "It was my reply address on the letter."

Chewing his lips, he opened it. It was a cheque from his Dad, covering all the expenses for his college.

A yellow post-it fell from the envelope, swirling lightly in the air before reaching the floor.

Four words were written on it: "Now, we are even."

**xcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcx**

**Reviews are a balm for Jasper & Edward's hearts. And they really need it. So press the button below:)**

On a completely different note: I have decided to participate to **The Fandom Gives Back Eclipse Edition **as a writer. If you want to contribute to this cause, you can bid on me for a slash story: **www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com.**


	4. I'm no Angel

**AN: Hey! **

**I am sorry for the delay in posting! I don't have any chapter in stock (I am not that organized!), so if I don't write it, you unfortunately don't get it. Between moving in a new flat and my family coming from far away to spend time with us, I didn't get much time to sit and write. I'll be on holiday abroad next week, so, hopefully, the next update should be posted around the end of May. **

**While waiting for me, you should check this jewel of a story: "Crimson Love and Biting Jealousy" by OCDJen. Mauralee88 (Check her fic too! "It's all relative" is awesome!) and I bid on her for the Support Stacie Auction. We gave her a few prompts (J/E pairing, Angry, Vampire, Sex) and we were expecting an OS of 7K words. But no! She created a whole universe and is regaling us with a beautiful and captivating multi-chapters story. You won't be disappointed! **

**Hugs, dozen of loving kisses, and thank you to my wonderful pre-reading/beta Dream Team: OCDJen and Mrs. Agget (Check her fic "Mismatch Made In Heaven"!). Having you every step of the way, while writing and plotting, is a never-ending pleasure, Ladies! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

**xoxox**

**EPOV**

My eyes were closing from exhaustion. I felt so tired, my body felt like stone. Like I couldn't move. Something light and annoying was touching me, gliding from my right leg to my groin and then up to my chest. The back of my head was stuck in the pillow, and my eyes were clamped shut, so I had no idea what it was. Something warm and soft was leaving light wet spots on my body. My nerves were tingling, eager for more, but I was unable to anticipate the next spot, or to order my arms to move and push it away. The wet butterfly lingered on my left nipple, circling it, blowing on it, and biting it.

Butterflies didn't have teeth; they weren't warm either. Maybe it was a cat. Cats had wet noses and they loved to lap with their little rough tongues. And this one sure as hell knew how to lap at my nipple. This tongue was way to big for a cat though. And how come I didn't feel his paws on my chest?

_Bigger than a cat, way bigger, according to the warmth surrounding me._

My brain wanted to panic while my body surrendered to the pleasure of being kissed and licked.

_Too tired to panic. Let's just enjoy being nibbled away while losing consciousness._

The moist and warm undefined entity was now nuzzling my chin, pushing my head to the side, to have better access to my neck.

_Of course, now my head is moving!_

My body was more responsive to the foreign presence above me than to myself. Small bites from my collarbone to my ear ate away my annoyance and nourished my arousal. With one last lick tracing my jaw to my lips, the creature whispered, "I love the taste of your skin, Love."

_Jasper?_

"I want to lick every part of you...devour your mouth, your cock, your ass…"

He murmured on my lips and I inhaled his scent and shivered.

Warm cocoa. He tasted like melted chocolate, coating my tongue with his savor, surrounding all my senses with his powerful fragrance. I was lost in him, in his scent, and in his caress. I breathed him in, trying not to exhale, to keep him inside me just a little longer. I felt his nose brushing mine, caressing the side softly, and coming closer to my lips.

The world suddenly tipped over and I was on my feet, pushed against a wall.

"Look at me, Edward!" screamed an aggressive voice.

Bright sunlight abruptly shined through the large windows of the family house, as if it woke up too quickly from its rest. The light dazzled me, flashing red and orange in my eyes.

"How dare you presenting yourself to me! And naked! Edward? Are you listening?"

_Dad?_

I scanned the room trying to find him, my eyelids barely opened, fighting the luminosity. Where the hell was he? Checking once again that my Father's study room was in fact empty and my dad was nowhere in sight, I relaxed and looked around for something to cover my bare body.

"Hmmm, I love having you naked; it makes it easier to do this."

I was startled by Jasper's firm hand grabbing my softening cock, bringing it back to life immediately. I moaned, my head falling on his shoulders. My back arched towards him, my ass grinning against his shaft. One of his hands snaked around to my balls, teasing me and increasing my whimpers.

"Jasper! Stop … my… Dad…" His maddening caresses were leaving me breathless, and weakening my protests.

"You want me to stop?" He was nibbling at my neck; his stubble was grazing my skin and sending shivers through my body. He had one hand still on my cock, while pinching my nipple with the other.

_Damn, he is good at multitasking!_

"Edward! Stop your debauched behavior right now. The guests are arriving!"

The violent shout from my Dad brought me back to reality. I needed to stop that and get dressed quickly. If Dad and Jasper were to meet, it had to be in the best conditions. And both of us undressed definitely didn't meet those requirements. But Jazz clearly had other ideas. He secured my body against his and his shaft nestling even more against my ass.

"You should offer him a racket for his birthday. He needs to hit something bad!" Jasper was chuckling in my neck, his hands on my hips. I couldn't control my body, nor could I run, hide, cry, or disappear. My whole being was only reacting to Jasper's touch, trembling from his caresses, impossibly turned on. I was screaming inside, trying to get away from the whole scene, mortified by my actions, afraid to get caught by Father, who could enter the room any minute.

_This is a total nightmare._

"I'll protect you. I'm here for you." Jasper's melodic voice morphed into a light blue silky cloth that draped around me, shielding my body against the impact of a huge wave that washed me out of the house. My body was tossed around, not by water, but by coins and bills. The sea of money was hurting me; hundreds of paper cuts making me bleed out, leaving me lifeless on the concrete floor.

Unable to move my body and get up, I just continued lying there, watching the sky. I discerned a softly pink and well-designed tower above me, with only two blue windows, and a mop of lights cascading from the top.

_So beautiful! So peaceful!_

I reached to touch the building, but it faded away, leaving emptiness in the firmament as well as in my heart.

_No!_

Loud vibrations covered my cry as sketched skyscrapers appeared around me. They looked strangely familiar, until I recognized them as my drawings. Some were dilapidated with windows broken and bricks falling from the walls; others were leaning on one side, threatening to fall down very soon. The ones standing properly had red markers all over them and giant F's underlined multiple times.

_No!_

I felt heart-broken and light-headed, seeing my ideas, my future really, ruined and neglected. The world began spinning around me faster and faster, until all the skyscrapers became blurry and I had to close my eyes so I didn't feel sick.

Everything abruptly stopped as I woke up, lying on Jasper's bed.

_Well, that was one very fucked up nightmare._

Rubbing my face with my hands, I rolled on my back. Scrubbing away this bad dream, I tried to get comfortable enough to fall asleep again. But images kept coming back in my mind, leaving me on edge. Everything was just so frightening. Since I received the damn cheque, I felt so insecure about my current life, my future, my aspirations…I was so confused. I had no idea what to do. Jasper wisely suggested to just keeping things the way they were until I figured something out. So, I was still studying to become an architect and from time to time I was sitting somewhere, my head in my hands, desperately trying to see things through. Unfortunately, I had absolutely no clue about what I truly wanted. Since that bloody post it, I just felt full of doubts about everything. Did I even want to become an architect? Was it for me or for him? I was basically questioning everything I was, everything I desired just to be sure it was really me and not some dream of my father's.

The only thing that was mine, truly and undoubtedly, was Jasper. He was still sound asleep on the other side of the bed. His head was under the pillow, his body so close from the edge of the bed that he could fall.

I had more or less moved in with him. He was my home, my peace, and my love. He was so patient with me, so supportive. He knew when to give me advice, when I needed him close, or if he should offer me space. After taking me to the boxing club and making me hit that bag, he let me decide if I wanted to try that again. I was still pretty mad at my Dad, but I couldn't bring myself to go back there and actually be that violent again. It was liberating but the flow of anger going out had been too exhausting and traumatizing to experience it on a regular basis. I needed something more relaxing, a way to express without feeling like I was crazy. Playing piano had always been my main outlet but as I didn't have access to the house, it couldn't be anymore. Jasper had encouraged me to draw, but it was too related to my studies.

Passing in front of a notebook stand at a bookstore one day, I had stopped and looked at them. I had grabbed brown leather one, with a long string to close it. I liked the feel of the texture under my fingertips, and the smell of it. I could picture myself writing on it and found myself smiling at the thought.

_Maybe this is the outlet I am looking for: writing._

The letter to my Dad had helped me a lot; it made me feel better. But after receiving his short and painful answer, I had also felt guilty for sending it to him. Should I have been more considerate, giving him more time to adjust instead of lashing out at him?

_We are even_.

Three little words that would torment me during my whole life. I was still so furious at him. Twenty years of raising me and he wiped me off his life with a few dollars, paying my studies to get rid of me.

_A sea of money hurting me, hundreds of paper cuts bleeding me out._

The nightmare was disturbingly accurate. His cheque had wounded my heart, making me want to use it for something totally different than my studies. I had an increasing desire to just let it all go and leave. Where? I didn't know. Travel around the world maybe or visit some friends and family. Just discovering places that I would never get a chance to see again. I was just twenty. I had plenty of time to settle, get a diploma, find a job and earn money.

Plus, honestly, I needed a change of scenery. Doing it here, in a town where my father was, was just driving me crazy. I felt in a cage. My Dad was constantly in my head barking at me about what I should or shouldn't do. I really needed to get away from him and think for myself. I knew I wanted to get a diploma and in the near future, a job. I was sure of that. Though I just wasn't sure in which area I wanted to work in. I really needed to make sure that what I would choose would be for me and not because I wanted to please my father.

I was rambling, never managing to get my head around all my thoughts, or being able to make a decision. Looking at the alarm clock on the bedside table, I realized that two hours had passed and I was still perfectly awake.

_Shit! Tomorrow is going to be an awfully long day!_

My eyes landed on Jasper's form, which moved closer to me. One of his arms had wrapped around me, embracing me, while his legs tangled in mine. A contented sigh escaped his beautiful lips as he nuzzled my neck to find the perfect spot to rest his head.

I smiled with fondness at my sleeping lover, entwining my hands in his and turning my head to breathe his scent. How lucky was I to have found him? My guardian angel. He was even protecting me in his sleep, holding me as if he perceived my distress. Feeling safe against him, I closed my eyes savoring his warmness and fell asleep.

**xoxox**

I woke up to the feeling of hands snaking around my hips and removing my underwear. A light and smooth skin was mapping the shape of my morning hard-on as it was revealed.

I fought against sleep, reaching out to wake up and open my eyes. The previous nightmare was still in my mind and I really needed to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

Lifting my head, my eyes opened on a hungry mouth, taking me all inside. The coral lips wrapped around my shaft and brushing my hairs were attached to the lustful face of Jasper. Seeing him lying between my legs, staring at me avidly and moaning, definitely woke me up. My head fell back on the pillow, one hand grasping desperately the sheets and the other squeezing his shoulder. I could feel my cock swell at his sensual touch. My whole body was so compelled by him, his movements on my cock, and his hands on my ass, pushing it up so I could go even deeper into his mouth. Incoherent sounds were escaping my mouth between two shaky breaths. He let me go, licking me from the base to the tip and then blew some warmness on me. I was a breath away from coming, all hard and dripping.

"Don't cum. Not yet."

I whimpered at his commanding tone, unsure if I could respect his order, and ready to beg to just let me do it anyway.

Wetness on my balls brought my thoughts back to Jasper. He was licking his fingers, right in front of them, sending goose bumps from my waist down. Nuzzling the base of my cock, he eased one and then two fingers in my tight hole. I undulated back against his hand, mewling inarticulately, desperate to have more of him in me.

"Please Jasper!"

He answered my plea by taking my cock all in, while pushing further into me, finding my most sensitive spot. I cried out again and again, matching the rhythm he used to brush against it.

"Jazz… Ready…Now…"

His hands left my body, reaching for condoms and lube and giving me a few minutes to breathe deeply. I was on the verge of cumming and if I wanted it to last, I seriously needed to calm down. I made the mistake to look at Jasper while he prepared himself for me. His flawless skin, silky and hot under my palm, and his perfect and firm abs was such an erotic sight that all idea of relaxation were instantly forgotten. I wanted him fast, rough, and hard.

Coming back to me, he folded me in half and put my knees on my shoulders. He leaned on me, stealing my breath with his kiss, sliding his tongue between my lips as his cock pushed against me.

He entered me slowly, giving me time to adjust while biting on my bottom lip and kissing my chin. Sneaking my tongue out, I licked his lips once, signaling to him that he could move.

He pushed his shaft inside me, brushing my prostate, driving me crazy with need, and then retreating completely, making me whimper from the loss before he thrust back in, coercing wanton moans out of me while he opened me again and again. I wasn't quite sure if it was too much or not nearly enough.

Taking me over and over, Jasper went deeper with each movement, his hands on my thighs, securing me against his shoulders, his tongue in my mouth, mimicking his thrusts.

I felt helpless, deliciously assaulted by the one I love, trying to just keep up with him. My own cock was bobbing on my abs, wetness leaking all over it, highly aware of the warmth of Jasper's skin, but too far to give any release. Bringing my hand to touch it, I was surprised by Jasper slapping it away.

"Mine."

And then it was just too intense, too overwhelming… He licked my neck, from the collarbone to my chin, while tightening his fist around my hypersensitive cock. His lustful and determined gaze never left my face as he started to move up and down my shaft. I wanted to close my eyes but was hypnotized by him. Smirking, he leaned down and bit my neck hard, sending shivers all over my body and making me cum instantly.

A symphony of wild moans resonated in the room, soon echoed by Jasper's who thrust even harder in me. He fell onto me, freeing my legs and hugging me tight. Dizzy and shaky, I lost myself in his embrace as Jasper murmured: "Good Morning, Love."

**xoxox**

I hated Riley. My dear roommate had been utter shit to me all day long at school, following me everywhere and asking lots of questions about "my new and beautiful life" with "my older man".

"You know, Jazz is just like your Dad. He wants something young and pretty on his arm. I give it until you are twenty-one before he is kicking you out of his bed and finding a newer model!"

Since Riley had opened his big fat mouth, my heart couldn't stop racing. Was it really like this? Was I fooling myself? Would Jasper abandon me in a blink of an eye for some random younger guys? I didn't know much about his past, how many boyfriends he had. I knew about a guy, Felix, with whom he stayed two years. He wasn't happy with him because he was too demanding, too whiny. Maybe I was too. Maybe he was fed up with me. After all he had to put up with a lot of my problems. Maybe he thought it was too much and just didn't really care. Maybe I didn't handle the situation well enough. I was not the only gay guy who was rejected by his parents. So, obviously I could have been more prepared. Or, was it my lack of decisions? Jasper must thought that I was not a man because I was unable to decide what I wanted to do, how to proceed. I was not really an adult. Well, I was supposed to be, but maybe I was lacking skills.

_Stop rambling, Edward, and go talk to him._

The rational side of my brain was telling me that Jasper wasn't like that and would never leave me. He was in love with me. But my heaving stomach, flustered heart, and sweaty hands were telling me something totally different: I was scared to lose him; terrified that he would leave me. I loved him like I had never ever loved anyone in my whole life. It looked like a total cliché, when I thought about it, but it was true. Jasper was giving me the air I breathed, the strength I needed, the armor I was wearing against the hazards of life. Not literally, of course. But his loving presence by my side sufficed to comfort me and made me ready to face the world. If he decided that he was tired of me and moved on, I wouldn't be able to deal with whatever would be happening to me. Maybe this made me a lesser man, maybe I was really too young for him. I didn't know. But I really needed to find out.

Trying not to cut myself while preparing dinner, I was still thinking about how I could try to ask the question to Jazz without being too obvious. Lost in my thoughts, I didn't see two strong arms embracing me and pulling me against a hard chest.

"Hey Love." Jasper murmured as he began to kiss the nape of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. My body reactions to him kept on amazing me. The simplest touches were driving me crazy and I couldn't seem to stop wanting him closer to me.

Letting go of the knife, I relaxed against him, and let his warmness surround me.

_I feel so safe in his arms. I just can't lose him._

"Don't leave me." He froze into my back making me realize that I just whispered my thoughts. Shit! Why did I blurb it out like this? The last time I did something like this, I lost my family. How stupid was I to do it again? Yet, I needed to know and anyway, the damage was already done.

"Don't go, Jasper." His embrace tightened around me as he brought his lips against the shell of my ear.

"I am not going anywhere, Edward."

"You won't leave me once you get fed up with me?"

Jasper stepped back and turned me around, his eyes full of concern. Leaning against the kitchen counter, I glanced quickly up at him before turning my eyes on the floor, my face flushed in embarrassment.

_You need to be strong, Edward. Show him you are an adult. Face him._

Strengthening my resolve, I met his eyes again and explained myself.

"You told me to speak with you if I didn't feel ok."

Jasper cautiously nodded and waited for me to continue.

"Do you plan on leaving me? I mean, once I am older, and not interesting any more."

Jasper looked completely puzzled and kept staring at me, his head tilting to the side, eyebrows raised in question.

"This didn't come out well. What I am trying to say is…"

"Will I abandon you like your Mum and Dad did?"

His sentence created a sharp pang in my chest, preventing me from breathing and making my heart squeeze in distress. His gaze was so fierce that I couldn't stand looking at him anymore and closed my eyes. Letting my head down, I tried to hide my face behind my falling locks.

I wanted to shout at him "NO, this isn't what I meant." But I guessed that was exactly my fears. He read my emotions and doubts so easily and exposed them to me, leaving me to face the naked truth.

_I have abandonment issues. Way to look like a man!_

He stepped towards me and held me tight. "I am not going anywhere, Edward. I am not your Dad, nor your Mum. I choose you. I want you. I am here for you."

I nodded, my head pressed in his neck, my arms reaching for him and bringing him closer. Feeling utterly stupid but desperate to get a confirmation from him, I asked. "Even after I am twenty-one?"

Leaning back and taking my face in his hands, he obliged me to look at him.

"Even when you'll be sixty or older. I love you. You are not getting rid of me anytime soon, unless you want me to."

"NO! I don't want to. I …" Tears were falling on my cheeks as I whispered, " I need you, Jasper."

"I am here. I am planning to be here for you every step of the way."

I nodded again, catching a shaky breath.

"I won't leave you."

"Ok."

Sweeping my tears away, he held me once again, one hand on the back of my neck, playing with my hair, and the other on my back, pushing my chest against his. I clung onto him, realizing how messed up this whole altercation with my Father had made me. Well, that and apparently the disappearance of my Mum.

"I am so messed up."

Chuckling, Jasper murmured in my ear, "You are just going through a rough time. And you are handling it quite well so far."

"I am not handling anything. I am unable to make a decision, to know what to do. I feel so lost. I wouldn't be if I was an adult, but I am unfinished now."

De-tangling himself from me, he took my hand and looked at me. "Unfinished?" he laughed. "Being an adult doesn't mean knowing what to do in all circumstances or have answers for all the questions. Nobody is ready to become an adult. Nobody really is an adult, honestly. We are just people trying to do our best to be happy. With each situation we face, we take decisions based on our experiences, hoping it is the best one, but not knowing for sure. You feel lost, confused, and full of doubt. Well, I am afraid you are as close to an adult as one can be. There is no state of serenity, Love. Being an adult just means taking responsibilities for your actions; it doesn't mean having innate knowledge."

"Are you scared as well? About what?"

"My promotion and the new responsibilities I have at work. I don't know how to handle some of my co-workers who don't accept that I am their boss now."

He paused, leaning against me, his lips so close to mine, his eyes glittering with sincerity.

"I am also scared to fail you, not to give you enough love or support. I hate being unable to protect you from all of this. I know I am not really supposed to, but I would love hiding you away and preventing any pain from touching you ever again."

Closing the distance, he kissed me tenderly. I sighed in his mouth, so relieved and contented by his words. I was amazed that we loved each other so deeply and completed each other in such a short time. I didn't have much experience about relationships, but I knew this kind of love was precious. Now I felt guilty for doubting him. He never even gave me any signals that would prove my fears and yet I was so scared to see him gone. I was clearly confusing Jasper with my parents and I didn't know if it was a sign that he was truly a great part of my life, or if I needed to deal with my family issues. Probably both.

_I wish being an adult was easy._

I wasn't ready to be one, even though it seems I already was. Jasper's explanation made me feel a bit better about the whole thing, although I was probably more scared knowing there was not perfect decisions or solutions to anything.

_I guess I must take baby steps and see._

According to the state of my stomach, my first decision would be to have dinner.

"I need comfort food. Do you mind eating outside?"

Chuckling, he teased me, "You don't consider vegetables as comfort food?"

I answered sheepishly, "Hmm… yeah, well, not exactly. I was thinking pasta…"

"Sure, I know a great Italian restaurant not too far from here. I'll get the car and pick you up out front."

"Ok. I need a few minutes to clean the mess I made here anyway."

"Do you need some help?"

"No, I'll be very quick, don't worry."

Pulling me closer to him, he mouthed on my lips, "I love you" and then kissed me. Before I could lose myself in his embrace, he stepped back, smiled, and squeezed my hand.

He let go as I kept my eyes on him, while he walked towards the door, grabbing his keys and opening the door. With a last smiley glance and a wink, he stepped outside.

Grinning, I started to put the kitchen in order with brisk movements. Collecting my vest and my keys, I checked over the flat one last time, making sure windows were closed, before leaving and closing the door.

Once outside the building, I was surprised to see that Jasper wasn't there yet. Stepping back inside the lobby to wait, I tried to find my phone to call him and realized I left it in the flat.

_Great!_

Too lazy to fetch it, I huffed down the path to the open-air garage. It was only a block away, so Jasper was certainly still there. I smiled, thinking he more than likely had been caught up talking to someone he knew. I just hoped it wasn't the guy from the car dealership, with whom he could talk hours with, because I was starving. Emotional moments always tended to make me hungry and right now my stomach was growling loudly.

When I finally reached the garage, I was surprised to see Jasper's car sill parked in its usual spot. Jasper was nowhere to be seen. Wondering just where the hell he could have gotten to and cursing myself for forgetting my phone, I walked towards his car.

When I saw what looked like fingers just sticking out past the back wheel, dread filled me as my stomach began to twist and turn.

"Jasper?"

_I really hope you are playing around with me._

My heart began to beat wildly in my chest as I reached the back of the car. Choking out a sob, I dropped to my knees: Jasper was out cold on the floor, his face covered in blood and swelling.

**xoxox**

**Reviews are like a comforting hug to our poor Jasper & Edward. So don't hesitate to press the button below.**

On a completely different note: I have decided to participate to **The Fandom Gives Back Eclipse Edition **as a writer. If you want to contribute to this cause, you can bid on me for a slash story starting June, the 26th: **www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com.**


	5. In My Place

**AN: Hello there! **

**As promised the next update! **

**Hugs, dozen of loving kisses, and thank you to my wonderful pre-reading/beta Dream Team: OCDJen and Mrs. Agget. I wish you the best in your life: Love, health and caring friends and family. **

**Warning: This story contains slash. That means men having sex with other men. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you're under 18, this is not for you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

**xoxox**

JPOV

I was floating like a light feather spinning around, following the drafts, up or down in the air. Far away from me was Edward's anxious voice, giving directions as well as details about injuries. His comforting warmth attracted me as I was flying so cold in the airstream. Shivers made me fall down abruptly on the tarmac, killing my insubstantial form and resurrecting me in a wounded body, lying on the floor.

_Damn, it hurts._

"Jasper?"

Groaning from the pain running all over my body, I tried to lift my head and turn on my back. Edward's soft hand pressed delicately on my shoulder, as he said with a trembling voice:

"Please don't move, Jazz. The ambulance is coming."

_Ambulance? Why do I need one?_

Memories of the attack assaulted me, answering my questions, and all became suddenly really clear. Two guys had beaten me up as I walked to my car. Edward and I were supposed to have dinner together after a pretty emotional discussion about his fear of me leaving him. I was quite sure that seeing me lying injured, on the ground, didn't help him forget his previous inquietudes.

"Love? I'm going to be ok."

I couldn't hear him, and didn't dare moving to check on him. The only sign of his presence were his hands on me: one was squeezing mine tightly and the other caressing my shoulders gently.

"Edward? Do you hear me? I'll be fine."

He moved around me, positioning his face so I could see him. Tears were slowly rolling on his cheeks as his red eyes looked at me with pure tenderness tainted with sorrow.

Nodding, he brushed his knuckles on the side of my face, smiling sadly.

"They're coming. They will be there in a minute. Stay with me, ok?"

I squeezed his hand in answer, desolated by his worry but incapable to do anything about it for the moment.

_Staying awake. For him, I could do that._

It was easier said than done though, as the pain increased with each passing minute and my eyelids desperately tried to shut down.

I fought against the shadows, focusing my attention on his kissable lips or his beautiful untamed hair... Anything not to fall asleep.

"They're here." Edward's whisper was my cue to succumb and let the darkness overcome me.

-oOo-

The next time I woke up I was at the hospital, being examined by an intern, making sure nothing was broken. I looked worse than I actually was. I had a bad bruise on my back, where they kicked me, some cuts on my left eyebrow, and a huge lump on my head. But, luckily, no broken bones. Because of my concussion, the doctor decided to keep me for the night and informed me that no sleep was allowed for the next twelve hours. Edward, Bella, and Mum took turns waking me up and trying to chat with me, but everything was too blurry for me to actually remember. I didn't even recall presenting Edward to them.

_Not exactly the way I pictured introducing the man I love to my family. _

Well, I didn't imagine it with some policemen around either, but they were there as well. They arrived after the doctor finally authorized me to sleep and were surprised that I knew the name one of my aggressor.

"Royce King, fellow consultant in my company, and the only one who didn't take my recent promotion very well."

Scribbling on his notebook, one of the officers said, "It seems strange that he suddenly decided to aggress you, so long after your advancement. Why didn't he snap at you earlier?"

_Ah! The million dollar question!_

"He discovered that I was gay only a week ago."

As understanding fell on the police officers and I focused on Edward's reactions. My brave lover was doing everything he could not to show the fear he felt at this revelation.

Stretching my hand, I called for him to try to get him out of his stupor.

"Hey…"

As the officers left, reminding me to come to the station in a few days to sign all the papers, Edward stepped towards me and grabbed my hand.

"I'm fine, Jazz. Don't worry about me."

"You look upset."

"He attacked you because you're gay."

"No. He attacked me because he was frustrated and angry and he didn't know how to handle the situation. Me being gay was just the detonator. It wasn't the real reason, just an excuse, much like the last straw."

Edward didn't look convinced at all.

"Love, if he had known I was gay but he had gotten the promotion, he wouldn't have attacked me. So the cause for all of this isn't me being gay. I am even pretty sure the fact he was drunk and encouraged by a friend was the real reason why he suddenly decided to act upon his anger. It was just a bit too much for him."

He nodded but his face wasn't showing any sign that he believed me.

"I was just so afraid to lose you." The distress in his eyes was so intense that it was breaking my heart. I had been afraid too. I didn't know if they would stop, and had been scared that it was it.

"I know. Me too." Tugging him closer to me, I rest my head on his chest, listening to his heart, taking and giving comfort in our embrace.

"Let's go home," he murmured in my hair right after kissing it.

With a last caress, he detangled himself from me and began packing all the things my family had brought. I got up, and after a quick shower and getting dressed, we both went in the main corridor to sign the papers for my release and take my medicine prescription.

I was glad to have some pain relief pills, as I suffered from intense headache during the following days. I spent nearly all my time either sleeping it off or resting. And I had lots of time to think everything through. Too much time, in fact. I tried to stay calm in front of Edward, as I didn't want him to be more upset than he already was. He was trying his best to stay strong and take care of everything. Mum was thoroughly impressed by him and Bella had already adopted him in the family. In front of me, he wasn't showing any sign that something was wrong. But I knew. Not because I had a sixth sense and could feel his emotions from afar, but because late one night I caught a conversation he had on the phone with Emmet. He told me that Riley had called his brother the day after the event, as a way to apologize for his previous hurtful words. He insisted Edward needed someone he trusted by his side to help him be strong for me.

And he had been right. Edward had been a bit less tense after having Emmet on the phone and catching up with him. But he was still stressed. The way he was snuggling against me at night, never letting me go, always at reach, always touching me, was as well a good sign that he was still afraid. And I didn't want to add to it.

After the initial shock of the attack, where my mind was blank and unable to process anything, I started over thinking everything. Why did I get this promotion and not him? Royce had been consultant for longer than I had and had some excellent records. He even signed some new contracts. I even knew that Irina, my boss, was smitten by him. I wasn't a bad element obviously, I knew that my clients appreciated my job and had given some great reviews for me. I had also brought some new business to the company myself. But I was quite younger and Royce had always been the obvious choice.

_Something is wrong here. Why didn't I think about it earlier?_

I knew why. Between my breakup with Felix and meeting Edward, I hadn't had much time thinking about politics in the company, and I hadn't really been present much except to do my work. My mind had been so much more on Edward and I had clearly changed my priorities after meeting him: Working became a means to an end and not the most important thing in my life.

Sighing, I got up and decided to get out for a while. Staying in the house in a near constant darkness because of my headaches wasn't going to help my mood. And maybe I could go and fetch Edward to have a nice dinner outside. The one we missed the other night.

After quickly getting ready, I locked the door of the flat. Stepping outside, I was dazzled by the sunlight and closed my eyes tightly to protect them. When I opened them again, I saw black spots everywhere before they slowly faded.

"Hey you! You're feeling better? No more headaches?"

Smiling at his voice, I turned to look at Edward and partially saw him, standing in front of me, all beautiful and smiling.

"Damn sun and damn black spots."

Shaking my head to try to regain my vision quicker, I felt Edward's hand on my arm.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, it's just..." It wasn't the sun. Closing my right eye, I realized that I couldn't see half of Edward features, as if a black veil had been drawn in front of me.

"We need to go back to the hospital."

-oOo-

It turned out I had a retina detachment. The concussion I had and the punches I received seemed to have caused it. But one of the doctors thought that I might have some genetic predisposition, even though I wasn't nearsighted. It was pretty serious actually, as I was admitted a few hours before completely losing sight in my left eye. But thankfully, it was treated on time. I couldn't help but damn myself for staying in the dark for the past few days. I could have seen it earlier. The headaches were a side effect of my heath problem, but as I had never even heard about retina detachment before, I had been unable to realize it was more than just basic headaches.

The possibility to become blind, even from only one eye had frightened me and made me realize how dangerous this attack could have been. The surgery had gone well, and for now I was safe, apart from losing a bit of sight and wearing glasses.

_Glasses! Freaking glasses! Not even lenses! _

My eyes couldn't take them due to the surgery for at least a year. So me, the guy who was so proud of his sight had to wear glasses. I wasn't allowed to do anything that could cause head trauma as well: no more boxing, no more roller coasters... I knew it wasn't much: glasses, headaches, high-sensibility to light and inability to do activities that I wasn't doing anyway. But still.

This wasn't some random event. It didn't happen because I felt sick or because I made a mistake. It wasn't some unfortunate accident. No, someone intentionally hurt me. I was the target. Royce wanted to harm ME.

And why? He hadn't attacked me when he found out he lost his promotion. He hadn't done it when I signed a few contracts he was supposed to. He even hadn't lost his temper when I moved into the office he was supposed to have. No. He aggressed me when he found out I was gay, after seeing me one evening in the street kissing Edward. That's when he attacked me.

And it was torturing me. It was infuriating me. It was the reason I had nearly lost my eye.

I had tried to find excuses for his behavior, to rationalize it. I had even nearly managed to convince Edward. But it sometimes seemed too hard to forgive.

I suddenly winced at the newborn headache I had, this time due to my rambling. I was lying on my hospital bed, missing the comforting presence of Edward. I was pretty much blind with my left eye protected by a patch and my right eye with a dilated pupil.

"Edward?"

"He went out a few minutes. I'm Emmet, his brother."

Opening my valid eye, I saw a dark, tall and broad form standing at the end of my bed. I closed it again, the lights in the room aggressing me.

_This guy is way too big to be Edward's little brother!_

"Hi Emmet! I guess you know who I am."

As I sat down and fumbled around to find the bed remote and put the bed on a sitting position, I heard Emmet walking closer to me.

"Yeap, Edward can't shut up about you. Here, the remote." He added, brushing it against my hand.

"Thanks."

He had a loud voice, and a musky scent, and he didn't sound shy at all.

_So different from Edward…_

"You know Jasper, if you wanted Edward to play your fantasy of the naughty nurse, you could have just ask instead of getting all beaten up."

_Ok... I guess different was the understatement of the year..._

"Yeah, maybe, but I like to be as close to reality as possible."

A booming laugh welcomed my reply, making me cringe in surprise.

"Emmet! Could you be any louder? Seriously!" Edward was back. He quickly walked to my side and took my hand. His voice was full of fake annoyance and quite cheerful. I could picture him smiling as his delicious and comforting perfume, a mixed of crushed seashell and sandalwood, washed over me, making me sigh in contentment.

"I like your boyfriend, Edwaragus!"

"Emmet..." Edward's tone was menacing.

"Edwaragus?" This unexpected nickname cracked me up.

"Emmet, don't!" Edward sounded more and more pissed.

"What? Jazz needs to know whom he is dating. You can't buy a product if you don't know it well."

"First, I am not a product and second..."

Amused, I asked, "Emmet, please explain."

Edward growled at my side, probably looking at me with a murderous gaze, as Emmet chuckled loudly once again.

"Edward looks like an asparagus: all lean and thin with a mop of hair on the top."

"Shut up Mr. Bean!"

I couldn't help but laugh at their antics, as they started arguing and calling each other names so fast that I lost track of the conversation. It was just refreshing to think about something else that the recent drama and live normally again.

-oOo-

I was home, sitting on the sofa, trying to relax while listening to one of Edward favorite bands, Nouvelle Vague. Edward was somewhere in the flat. He left me after a tender kiss, promising to come back quickly. We hadn't touched each other for nearly a week now. At first, I wasn't really in the mood because of the persistent headaches I got, this time due to my low resistance to light thanks to my constantly dilated pupils. But lately, I had felt a lot better and missed being close to Edward. Afraid to cause me pain or discomfort, he hadn't done anything to push me, but would cuddle against me, kissing me everywhere until he felt it might be too much and stopped altogether.

He was slowly but surely driving me crazy with need, and I had all the intentions to remedy it that night. He had been so incredibly attentive and loving since my aggression that I felt even more blessed to have him in my life. Unable to see after my surgery, I had to rely a lot on him, and he never once complained. He was even trying hard to help me without really showing it. I didn't like being mollycoddle, and he knew it. So he discretely tried to find ways to facilitate my life, probably thinking that I didn't realize that things I needed would magically appear very close to my hands, or that chairs and obstacles had been pushed away for me not to step on them and get hurt. Anyway, in case I really hadn't noticed, Bella or Mum would make a point to tell me all the little things "this adorable man of yours" was doing for me. They were so enamored of him that it was nearly annoying. Thank God I had Emmet on my side and his constant teasing of Edward to balance this family injustice.

Me being blind could have some nice benefits, though. Not in everyday life but in our sex life, such as having Edward being more daring. He clearly wasn't a virgin when we started dating but he wasn't really experienced either. The first time he blew me, he did it in a fully dark room. And when I came in his mouth, craving to see him, I turned the light on and saw him blushing bright red.

When the lights were off, he was always more daring, saying or doing things that would completely surprise and excite me. He once whispered in my ear: "I love it when you say "mine" and go all cave man on me." I was about to fall asleep but my sudden arousal woke me up full force. I kissed him deeply, desperate to be inside of him.

Some shuffling in the room brought me back to the present. Edward padded to me and sat on my lap, facing me with a knee on each side of my legs.

"You're comfortable?"

I nodded my answer, impatient to have my hands on Edward's warm body. I slowly trailed my fingers on his thighs and had the pleasant surprise to find them bare. Smiling, I carried on my exploration of his soft skin to discover that he was completely naked. Resting my hands on the small of his back, I pulled him to me.

"To what do I owe the honor of your divine nakedness, Love?"

He chuckled, hiding his face in my neck, unmistakably embarrassed.

"You seem to have recovered well; you don't have many headaches lately and your bruises are nearly healed."

"They are."

"So I thought, maybe, if you let me, I could…" His whisper sent shivers in my neck as I trailed on his skin to find his bare ass. I took time caressing him, enjoying the silky feel of his skin. Wanting to tease him, I reached for his hole and found it all lubed up. I groaned as Edward whimpered at my touch, pressing his chest on mine.

Thrilled by my finding, I let one finger enter hot heaven. He was all slick and ready for me.

"You prepared yourself for me?"

Edward nodded, his breathing quickening, pulling all his body closer to mine. When his hard cock touched mine, through my sweatpants, he moaned. Biting my lips to suppress mine, I pushed a second finger in him, facing no resistance, and was rewarding by him crying out my name.

"How did you do it? Were you in the bathroom?"

He shook his head no.

"Where then? Describe it to me."

"No!" He pleaded.

"Why? Imagining you getting all wet for me is a total turn on, Love. So tell me."

"I can't. It's too embarrassing."

I started grinding against him, pressing my fully erect cock against his and thrusting my fingers in and out of him. His soft cries directly in my ears aroused me even more. With one sense unavailable, the other ones were heightened, and filled me with delicious details: the rising warm of his skin as he got more and more excited, the wetness on my t-shirt due to his leaking cock rubbing on me, the mouth-watering scent of him, naked, slightly sweaty, a concentrate of Edward in each breath.

_Finally one reason to appreciate my blindness!_

Thrusting into him, I asked again, "I want to know, Edward. I can't see, so you can't show me. So tell me, Love. Did you bend over the sink in the kitchen and fingered yourself?"

"Jazz, please…"

As Edward didn't seem to want to answer me, I thought of a way to encourage him. I curled my fingers and looked for his prostate. His loud moan and the way he grabbed tightly my shoulders gave out that I found it.

"You like that?"

He nodded furiously.

"You are so ready for me: your leaking cock, your lubed up ass, so ready to welcome me inside… I love when you are like that."

Edward was past any coherent thoughts by now, mewling and trembling in my arms.

I pulled my fingers out of him, pushing his hips back so he couldn't rub against me anymore. His face left the shelter of my neck, his hands catching my shoulders to stabilize him, as small keening noises escaped his lips.

"Jasper?" He sounded surprised and confused.

"Tell me."

He was shifting on my lap. I felt his breath on my lips a few seconds before he touched mine. I couldn't get trapped into his intoxicating kiss; I would lose myself and forget everything. I needed to focus and have him desperate enough to talk to me.

I moved back, using my fingers to trail my way to his face and to gently but firmly keep him away from me. His breath came in little pants as I cradled the side of his face with one hand and used my thumb to caress his bottom lips. His tongue darted out and licked me as I came closer to him. I was a breath away from him, bathing in his heady aroma.

"I am waiting, Love."

With a last low and whining sound, he surrendered. I could barely hear him when he whispered, "I bent over the bed, in front of the mirror."

_Damn, he is killing me!_

I had to swallow all the wetness in my mouth: the mental image of him preparing himself, in front of the freaking mirror, was forever graved behind my eyelids.

"The mirror?" I nearly didn't recognize my own voice, so raw and needy.

"Hmm…I needed to see what I was doing."

Biting my lips, I stifled my moans, while feeling my cock harden at his description. To reward him, I brushed lightly my knuckles on his shaft, before passing my thumb over it to collect his pre-cum.

I felt him arch on me. I could picture him, head falling backward, eyelids nearly close, mouth open, gasping for air.

_God I wish I could see him!_

The sudden urge to be connected with him was too strong to resist, and I just couldn't help but taste him. Licking my fingers full of his pre-cum, I lost myself in Edward's scent. My olfactive heaven was broken by his hungry kiss, as he ripped my fingers out and replaced them by his demanding tongue.

Pulling back, he gasped, "Jasper, please, more…"

"Lift up, Love."

I pushed my sweat pants under my ass, freeing my hard cock. My pants still around my thighs, I fumbled on his body, finding a nipple to tease on the way, before finally grabbing his neck and kissing him deeply. Pulling back slightly, I licked from his swollen lips to his left ear and whispered, "Do you have some lube and condoms?"

I felt him nod against me, his heavy pants tingling the skin of my neck. I took off my shirt, giving him time to put the condom and some lube on me.

"Come here."

Stoking his back, I murmured on his lips, "Take me inside you."

He took my sheathed length in his hand and placed it right above his hole. He sank on me slowly, helped by my hands on his cheeks. My shaft entered him without much effort, seeking his soft warmth. Low moans and shattered breaths escaped both our lips as he sat on my lap, taking me incredibly deep, a silky vice tightening around me. Getting comfortable, he moved a little on my lap, enticing a groan from me as I grabbed his hips too tight.

_God, how I love being inside him._

He was now moving in circles around my cock, making me systematically touch his prostate. Each times I brushed it, he would cry out and tremble. And each time, his thick cock pressed against my abs, letting small drops of his wetness flow down on me.

Wetting my hand with my tongue, I took his shaft in my fist. He was shivering in my arms, his head back in the shelter of my neck, goose bumps spreading all over his body. Moving my fingers up and down his cock, I whispered, "Give me a rhythm. Slow, fast? Show me how you want it."

Complying with my desire, he raised himself off me and then dropped agonizingly slow back on me. I tried to stay concentrate and mimicked his movement, catching my breath each time he sat back on my lap.

After a few more slow thrusts, I was ready to beg him to quicken his speed.

Fortunately, I didn't have to. Shuffling on my lap, he squatted on me, his feet probably flat on the sofa. His hands clasped behind my neck, using me as leverage. I was moaning louder and louder, unable to pretend anymore that I was in charge.

In this position, I was deeper in him than I even thought possible. He was so tight, so warm, so freaking hot. I couldn't get enough of him. And I would be unable to stop from cuming if he kept it up that way.

He increased the rhythm, not even taking a second to rest on my lap before lifting up again. My hand on his shaft was following his lead and I sped up my movement until he arched on me, deliciously tensing around me as he came. I followed right away, his sticky release on my hand.

He collapsed on me, out of breath, his heart beating so loud in his chest that he echoed in mine. I hugged him, nuzzling his shoulder, kissing him lightly between shaky breaths.

"Wow, that was hot."

"Yes. Next time, its my turn to be blind," he purred in my ear.

**xoxox**

**Reviews are like a hot lemon on a sofa. So press the button below!**

**As you might know by now I am participating to The Fandom Gives Back Eclipse Edition as a writer. If you want to contribute to this cause, you can bid on me for a slash story starting June, the 26th: www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com.**


	6. In My Place  additional drabbles

**AN:**

I thought you might like to have more information about Jasper's feelings and thoughts during the events from last chapter.

_Thank you to__** Naelany**_, who challenged me by giving me the POV and prompts.

Thanks to Penny, _**Mrs. Agget**_ and _**OCDJen**_ for pre-reading and beta'ing.

**These drabbles are dedicated to **_**Darkira**_**, for her birthday on May, the 29th!**

**Happy belated Birthday Kira!**

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

**xoxoxox**

**AFTERMATH**

"Finally, I would like to introduce you to your new Manager, Mr. Jasper Whitlock!" Everyone applauded except one colleague, who walked out, banging the door.

And now the infamous coworker was knocking out of me these memories, fully expressing his anger. He even brought a friend to restrain me.

The stench of alcohol hit me with each blow I received. Four months, the revelation I was gay, and a couple of drinks was what it took for him to confront me.

Strangely enough, getting beaten up wasn't exactly what I had expected in the aftermath of my promotion. Go figure!

**-oOo-**

**TIDAL WAVE **

"It's either a bloodstone in your brain or a retina detachment."

Same time, five days ago, I was making love to Edward. Today, I was losing my sight in my left eye and waiting for the diagnostic.

"Should I pick one?"

The intern smiled sadly. "We will first examine your eye and proceed from there."

I nodded, absently following his form as he left the room. I shut my traitorous eyes and clenched my jaw, trying to push away the tidal wave of panic that frightened to submerge me.

Edward's loving embrace saved me seconds before it broke on me.

**-oOo-**

**STING**

A hand on my shoulder, shaking me.

"Wake up."

Flashes of lights directly inserted in my eye. I couldn't swallow. My throat was so sore.

"Water… please."

"In a minute. Open your eye!"

I couldn't. The eyelid was unresponsive and seemed stuck closed. I touched a soft patch on my left eye. I pushed and felt a cruel sting of pain.

"Don't touch it. The surgery went well; we saved your eye. Here is some ice."

Finally, cold water waking me up, giving fuel to my brain to process everything.

"You're going to be just fine, Mr. Whitlock."

Yes, sure...

**-oOo-**

**EQUILIBRIUM**

The harsh equilibrium of life: love and hate, heaven and hell, joy and pain.

I guess I was just too lucky lately, especially with Edward in my life. Something wrong had to happen. There was no way around it.

I could even picture a little red devil on my shoulder, whispering softly in my ear: "Relax and enjoy the ride." And then me, in a rollercoaster car, eyes wide, mouth open shouting my lungs out, hands tensing on the metal bar protecting me, with my head upside down.

Ok! Maybe I need to lower the dosage of my pain medicine.

**-oOo-**

**SOOTHE**

"Did you promote me for my competences or to piss him off?"

"What are you talking about, Jasper?"

I already knew the answer. Irina wasn't someone you provoked or rejected, and Royce had done both by declining her advances and stealing her clients. So she retaliated by giving his long-awaited promotion to the one person he would loathe the most: me, a younger version of him.

"What happened is really unfortunate, but you are a real asset to this company. We want you here."

Fake flatteries coming from a vicious mouth wouldn't soothe me the least.

"Yeah, well, I resign."

**xoxoxox**

**I am enjoying writing drabbles as it gives great insights on someone's intentions and/or thoughts in just 100 words.**

**If you want to read more, you can always send me 5 words and the POV you would like to read. I am not promising to write them all, but you might just inspire me:) **

**And as always, reviews are the only way for us writers to know that you, readers, care and like what you read, so please leave a comment! **


	7. Little Lion Man

**AN: Bonjour! **

**What? 5 weeks without updates... Yeah, I know... For my defense, this chapter has been the hardest to write so far, and I have been traveling to Europe to see my family for the past 4 weeks! I did manage to get a bit of writing done for OCDJen's birthday. The OS is called "Obsession" and is a pure lemon, for those who want to read it:)**

**I wanted to thank you all, Dear Readers, for reviewing, alerting or putting in your favorites this story! I am stunned and incredibly happy by all of them. It means just so much to me that you are enjoying this fiction:)**

**If you are looking for another story that is a pure delight to read, go and check "Destination" by Kerrfrano. It's angsty, smutty, and very well written. "A review for love" is her OS for OCDJen's birthday. They are both in my fav:)**

**Love and snuggles to all the ladies and the gentleman, who listen, share, help, or WC with me. A very special Thank You to OCDJen and Mrs Agget, for pre-reading and betaing this chapter. **

**Warning: This story contains slash. That means men having sex with other men. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you're under 18, this is not for you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But thanks to "The Fandom Gives Back", which raised more than $100,000, I do own now an OS from mischief-maker1 and one from Mrs. Agget!**

**xoxox**

EPOV

I was sitting by the lake, on a bench hidden from the main path. The place was incredibly peaceful. The whisper of the wind in the trees and the soft babble of the waves on the stones had a calming effect on me. Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply, trying to relax and soften the tensions on my back. My feelings had been all over the place for the past few weeks, between me getting kicked out by my Dad, Jasper's attack, and surgery.

How he looked, lying still on the floor, I will always remember. His closed eyes, his bruised hands, his pale skin. He was the picture of death and my greatest fear. I was still unsure how I had thought to check for his pulse, or found his phone in his back pocket, and with a calm voice I never known I possessed, called 911 for someone to rescue him. I was an automate on a mission, while another part of me was frenetically screaming his lungs out, losing his mind and his focus. The two sides of my personality melted back to one when Jasper opened his eyes and spoke to me. The guilt of having him comforting me while he was the one injured became the cement that bound both sides. I couldn't and wouldn't break down when HE was able to be rational and think straight. Right then, I needed to be strong and would only allow myself to panic later. Much later.

After the surgery, I did my best to be everything he needed. He was my sole and primary concern. I wanted him to be comfortable at home and just take time to recover, but he kept his focus on me. He was so attentive to me, so careful of my reactions. Jazz was trying so hard to hide how shaken he was about all of this, as if it was a shame to show any signs of weakness. And that just made me so angry. I thought he believed that I couldn't handle his pain, his frustration. I thought he was seeing me as a weak man, and he needed to be brave for the both of us.

Until I spoke to Emmett on the phone. I still have no idea how a seventeen year old was able to speak some wisdom into me, but what he said made sense. If Jasper needed to focus on me to deal with what happened to him, then I would let him do it. I would pretend that I didn't know when he woke up at night, in sweat, after a pretty agitated dream and couldn't go back to sleep. Or how intense he could get while killing some monsters on Emmett's video games. Or how much he could be lost in his thoughts, repeating again and again in a murmur, "I am such an idiot." Or how he kept on touching me and pulling me close to him at any time. I would pretend that I was the one being clingy and needing protection.

But after his outburst this morning, I was at a loss about what to do with Jasper. I just wanted to think about something else for a little while and feel numb. Contemplating the scenery seemed like the right thing to do. The air was so pure that I could see the clouds trying to cover the far away mountains, like a cottony scarf loosely tied around their shoulders.

"So, top or bottom?"

_Leave it to Emmett to kill the moment._

"You are not really asking me this question."

His long silence made me turn my head to look at him. He was scratching his head, hiding his face from me.

"Tanya is pregnant."

Mouth open, eyes wide, I stared at Emmett in total disbelief. Looking back at the view, I blinked a few times, trying to process the information. But the only thing I could come up with was "Does God hate me that much?" Unable to comment on that shattering piece of information, I just chose to answer Emmett's previous question. The lesser of two evils.

"Bottom."

"Ewww… Edward, I didn't need to know that."

"Then stop asking questions you don't want the answers to! Or answering questions I am not asking." I was angry with him when I shouldn't be. He was just the messenger. Emmett turned on the bench to face at me, looking all nervous and concerned.

"I thought you should know."

"I know." I sighted, making a huge effort to calm down. "You did well." The last thing I wanted was to alienate him from me. Trying to lighten the mood, I added, "You also thought you wanted to know if I was top or bottom…."

"Ewww… don't remind me! The mental images I have now…"

Emmett was hiding his face in his hands, shaking his head. I chuckled at his antics, happy to have him with me. It was exactly what I needed, even though he brought news that I had no idea how to handle.

"Does it hurt?" Emmett was staring at me intently, looking very serious.

"What?"

"To bottom. Does it hurt?" He was now looking at me as if it was the most obvious subject a straight seventeen year old could ask his gay older brother.

"Could you remind me again why we are having this conversation?"

"Because it is easier than speaking about your boyfriend freaking out this morning?"

_God, I hate it when he's right._

Jasper had come back from a meeting at his company more pissed than I had ever seen him. He wouldn't tell me exactly what happened, but was cursing his boss, Irina, like a trooper. He stormed into the flat, pushing past me, saying "I resigned" without even looking at me, before flying to the bedroom and slamming the door behind him. I heard something hit the wall and shatter into pieces, followed by more swearing. I didn't even have the time to get to the door before he came out. He looked at me; all disheveled and tormented, and took my face into his hands, kissed me softly.

"I need some time alone. I'll be back tonight."

He must have seen the anxiety in my eyes, because he stopped me with a kiss before I spoke to add, "Don't worry about me. I am just going to the boxing gym. I love you."

Nodding, and kissing him lightly, I let him go, feeling utterly helpless. After a few hours, feeling like a lion in a cage in this flat which was getting smaller and smaller, I called Emmett to meet me by the lake.

"Earth to Edward, are you there?"

Emmett's hand was waving in front of me, trying to bring me back to the conversation.

"Sorry…. Hmmm…. It does hurt, but after, it is just mind blowing."

"EDWARD! You aren't supposed to answer these damn questions!"

"Then why are you asking?"

"Because… it's a boy."

_Of course, it has to be a boy. Murphy's law through and through._

"Hopefully, he will be gay too," Emmett added, smirking as an attempt to make me smile. It wasn't working though.

"Or, he will be the perfect son Dad so wishes to have." I sighed again. I was doing that a lot lately. Leaning on the bench, I observed the ducks flying just above the water, their webbed feet grazing the surface. I was envious of them. I wanted their freedom, their peace of mind, their primary concerns being about finding food and a shelter and not about dealing with all those feelings.

_Life really has a way to push you around, just to see how much you can take._

"I'm a shitty brother. I was supposed to cheer you up."

"No, you're not…. It's just…." I didn't even know what I was feeling at that moment. My head and heart were in turmoil. Jasper, this kid that I will probably never meet, my Dad, my future, everything was so mixed up that it made me nauseous.

"You know, I think this kid might be lucky not to grow up with you," Emmett mused after some silence. He was trying to take me out of my dark thoughts in his own strange way.

"Really? Care to explain?"

"Well, for instance, he will never spend a whole night puking his guts out, because his diabolic older brother makes him smoke all his cigarettes and then some cigars from Dad, just to prove a point." Emmett laughed loudly, his booming voice scaring the ducks away.

I smiled at the memory. I had caught him and a few of his friends at the back on the garden, hiding there to smoke what looked like their first cigarettes. I was so pissed at him for doing it at that moment, that I just took them all without saying a word. If health advertisements on TV and horrible pictures on the packet didn't disgust him, I wasn't sure what to say to make him stop. Later on though, I had one of my most brilliant ideas: making him smoke all of them, one after the other. He was so ill afterwards that I never ever saw him with a cigarette ever again.

"Well, it worked, didn't it?"

"It did." He added, grumbling. "Unfortunately. I can't even stand the smell of cigarettes now."

It was my turn to laugh. For a sixteen year old, I had been quite smart, and maybe a tiny bit evil.

"Maybe Dad should have used the same method on you: making you fuck all the hot gay guys of the city until you get sick of it and turn straight." Emmett chortled at his own joke, making me smirk.

"If only! Not sure it would have had the intended result, though."

Smiling widely, his eyes sparkling with wickedness, he asked, "So, how many guys have you had? Apart from Jasper, I mean."

Frowning, I shook my head, laughing.

"I can't believe you are asking me these questions!"

"Don't be shy! I already know you're a bottom. I mean it can't get more intimate than that!"

"True. But just to be fair, answer the question first." If he wanted to know more about my sex life, there were no reasons I couldn't get more about his. Not that I was interested, but I wouldn't be the only one embarrassed by this conversation.

"Hmm… Shit…" Checking if I was serious, he finally gave in. "One, and it was a total disaster. Your advices about sex with girls were so full of shit. But at least, now, I know why."

I couldn't help but chuckle at his chagrined face. "Well, for my defense, I did share the whole extent of my knowledge on straight sex."

As he didn't look so amused by my comment, I decided to just give him his answer. "One as well."

He looked dumbfounded. "Only one? Except Jasper?"

"Don't look so surprised. What were you expecting?"

"I don't know. More, I guess. Boys are supposed to be hornier than girls. So I thought two gay boys…."

"Yeah, well, I was horny, but only had one partner. Two, with Jasper."

A goofy smile was playing on his lips. "Who was it? Mike? I am sure it was Mike!"

I felt my throat clogging up remembering of my best friend. It had taken me a very long time to get over his sudden death, and honestly, I still wasn't sure I totally managed it.

"No, it wasn't Mike."

Oblivious to my sadness, Emmett asked again, "So who was it? Did I know him?"

Clearing my throat, pushing away the grief, I decided to answer his question. At least, we would talk about a subject that wasn't a source of pain for me.

"Jake."

"Our nanny?"

"Your nanny."

"No, our nanny. You fucked the nanny?" Emmett looked completely startled by this revelation.

"First, it was YOUR nanny, not mine. And second, I didn't exactly fuck him."

"Don't play on words with me. You totally fucked the nanny! I can't believe it! You realize you were underage?" His voice was nearly a growl, sounding aggravated.

"Emmett! Nothing happened before I was eighteen. Well, in fact, it was his gift for my birthday." I couldn't understand why he would be so upset over this. I thought it would amuse him and not make him so pissed.

"Jake. Jake! JAKE!"

"Yes, I do remember his name!" I rolled my eyes at him, feeling more and more exasperated by his reaction.

_So much for talking about painless subjects._

"I mean, JAKE!"

"Could you please get over it?"

"How did it happen?" He was standing in front of me now, so freaking serious it could have been hilarious.

"Are you sure you want to have a step by step description of what happened?" I was just joking with him, hoping that he would calm down a little bit.

Shaking his head, clearly annoyed, he nearly shouted at me.

"Spare me the details, but I DO WANT TO KNOW! I am stunned. You asked Dad to hire a male nanny because he kept on fucking the female ones and then firing them. He even slapped you on your birthday because you told him that. And then YOU, of all people, fuck the nanny."

The comparison made me cringe and unleashed my resentment.

"It wasn't like that, okay! I was fifteen, Emmett! I didn't know I was gay then. I figured it out by lusting over Jake. It took me two years to admit it, and another one for him to be interested enough to act upon it. Plus, we stayed together for a while. It wasn't just a fuck. He was important to me, Emmett."

We were staring at each other, waiting for one of us to look down. Neither of us did.

"He was your boyfriend?" Emmett asked in a much calmer tone.

"Kind of. We weren't in love. I can see that now, because of what I feel for Jasper. But we cared deeply for each other. We still do." I was pleading him with my eyes to understand what Jake had meant to me. He hadn't been at all just a fuck and I really didn't want my brother to assimilate me to Dad.

Pondering my explanation, Emmett finally concluded, "You really do have a thing for older men!"

"I don't!" I was the one indignant this time.

"Edward! Jake was what? Ten years older than you?"

"…Eight years…"

"And Jasper is what? Six years older?"

"The age difference doesn't have the same impact when you are over twenty. Jake was clearly older. Jasper just happened to have six more years than me." I was trying to defend myself, but was clearly doing a poor job at it.

"That doesn't make any sense, you realize that, don't you?"

"Shut up, Emmett!"

A long silence followed my last words. I probably had hurt him with my angry tone, but God! How could he compare me to Dad? Everything was so fucked up. Was there any subject at all that we could speak about without getting all upset?

"I'm sorry, Edward," Emmett murmured, while sitting back on the bench. "You are nothing like Dad." He added, reaching for my hand and squeezing. "You practically raised me because he was never there. You, you were always there for me, always checking on me, cheering me up or teaching me things. You were the one I look up to. Not Dad, or Jake."

I smiled sadly at him. Sharing a shitty parental figure did strengthen our bond, but it had been hard to live through it nevertheless.

"Well, Jake was the one I looked up to. He listened to me, comforted me, and challenged me. And later on, he just became… more."

"Nothing happened before your eighteenth birthday, you swear?"

His question made me chuckle. "What if something happened? Are you planning on kicking his ass to save my virtue?"

He groaned, not seeing the humor of the situation. "It would have been wrong, Edward. I… Jake was also important to me, you know. I don't want all the men around me to be some kind of sex predator."

_Okay, so that's the real problem here._

"He wasn't, Emmett. He was always respectful and incredibly uptight about the fact that NOTHING would happen before I was legal. Nothing at all. No touching, no kissing, no flirting. He pushed me away. He even resigned. Well, he tried to. But I begged him not to, because we needed him. And I stopped pursuing him. And that's what drew him to me, strangely enough…."

I wanted him to have the whole picture of what happened exactly all those years ago. Now wasn't the time to play games or tease each other anymore. He was clearly distressed by this conversation, and I couldn't leave him like this.

"But he still fucked you on your eighteenth birthday."

"What? No? He kissed me, Emmett. That was his gift. A kiss. My first gay kiss, to be totally honest. We…became intimate a few months later."

He nodded, seemingly relieved by what I said. "Okay."

A long silence again enveloped us, only filled by the birds cheeping, announcing twilight.

Arguing with Emmett wasn't exactly what I had planned to forget about Jasper's foul mood. I had already enough problems to deal with, the last of it being this future newborn brother, without starting a cold war with Emmett.

Eager to change the subject, I just asked him, "Can we call a truce?"

Turning his head to me, he looked at me for a few seconds, his face impassive, before smiling and nodding. Biting his bottom lip, he bumped his shoulder on mine, making me lose balance, before starting to punch my side playfully.

"Emmett…" My tone was supposed to be menacing, but didn't have any effect on him.

He went from hitting to tickling me, grabbing both of my wrists with one hand, and pushing me back on the bench. This position gave him full access to my waist and stomach as he teased me even more.

"Emmett! Stop! Stop!" I was giggling, having a hard time catching my breath, and desperately trying to get out of his strong hold. I somehow managed to have him release me, only to fall on my ass on the ground.

Emmett burst out laughing, holding his side with his arms, and nearly crying. For a few seconds, I felt utterly ashamed to have been manhandled by my younger brother, but his laugh was contagious and I dissolved into laughter.

After a few minutes of totally cracking up, Emmett helped me to stand up and sit back on the bench. He was smirking again, opening his mouth and closing it, fidgeting on the bench.

"Spill!"

Looking at me with a smug look, he explained, "I did some researching."

A bit confused, I frowned. "About?"

"Being gay. To know what it implies. Who you were." Emmett's face had a very mischievous expression.

"What did you do? Googled "gay" on your laptop?"

"Shit! That's smart! I didn't think about it."

I chuckled at him, shaking in my head in amusement. "So, how did you get your answers?"

Turning his body to me, one knee on the bench, he rested his elbow on its back. "I had a one to one with the gay guy from school."

"What? And what did you say? "Hey! My bro is gay like you. So let's speak and go over the basics"?"

"Hmm… Pretty much, yes."

"I'm sure it went well!"

Scratching his hair, he explained sheepishly, "Yeah, well, no… in fact, it didn't. I had to stalk him for a few days and corner him to finally get him to answer me."

_My brother is really one of a kind._

"You must have scared the shit out of him."

"Yeah… I kind of did. But it's all cool now. We are friends. He is a nice guy and pretty funny too. A bit geeky though, but I like him."

"You're friends with the resident gay of your High School. I am sure your football team is overjoyed with this news!"

"We had some tensions but who cares. They need me to finish and win the season anyway."

He stood up, hands in his pockets and took a few steps closer to the lake. Throwing some stones in the lake, he finally voiced his thoughts. "It's just… I didn't know how to react after you came out. In our family, being gay had always meant being weak, or some kind of weird guy, or a bit evil. But you don't fit the profile. I know you. You are my brother. So, I wanted to understand. And Quill helped me think things through. And after, I met Jasper. I am glad you have him, you know. He makes you happy. I can see it. So I wanted you to know that I don't care, and will never care about you being gay. You are still my brother."

I was surprised and touched that he decided to vocalize his feelings. His recent behavior towards Jazz or me had clearly shown that it didn't matter to him. He was back in my life as if he never left it, not even flinching when he saw us kissing, and even asking some pretty intimate details about gay sex. Having had the same education, I knew that he wasn't raised to accept homosexuality so easily. But I had never really thought about what he went through after my little announcement.

Getting up, I walked to Emmett, squeezing his shoulder. "Thank you."

Taking a step back to be at my level, he bumped me on my shoulder, smiling. "You're welcome. I have to go now. You're going to be okay?"

Bumping back on him, I replied, "Yes. Thanks for being here."

"Just, for Jasper... don't be so worried, he is a pretty strong guy and he will sort it out."

"Thanks, Em. Go now. And if you want, bring your friend Quill with you next time you come see us."

"Will do." Smiling broadly, he left, letting me alone with my thoughts.

Grabbing my backpack, I walked by the lake, enjoying the feelings of the stones rolling under my feet. Picking a flat one, I threw it in the water, making it bounce on the surface several times. I always loved skimming stones when I was a kid. I wished I were like them, able to bounce back on the surface, flying over it, despite my weight and the possibility to be swallowed whole by the traitorous water. The stone would always drown at the end, but it didn't matter. What was important was the number of ricochets you could actually do. I was just hoping I could rebound as well from all this mess, that neither I, nor Jasper, would be engulfed by all the hateful feelings, the pain, the fear, or the uncertainty surrounding us right now. I was so fed up with all of this; I just wanted to go away, far, far away from everything. I was dreaming of taking a break, resting, and coming back stronger, knowing what to do, because at this very moment, I felt helpless and didn't even know who to turn to for some advices.

The vibration of my phone, alerting me of a new text message, interrupted my rumination. It was Jasper.

"I need you."

Calling him, I hurried home.

**xoxox**

**I hope you liked the chapter. Tell me about it on your review! Your messages help me keep on writing, especially when the characters aren't cooperative. And, trust me, I really need some reviews to face the next chapter, so click on the button for me! Thank You! **

**Seren**


	8. Hold on

**AN: Thanks to you all for reviewing, alerting or putting in your favorites this story! I am just grinning like a fool each time I receive an alert! You are making my day!**

**Hugs and love to my two guardian angels OCDJen and Mrs. Agget, for pre-reading and betaing this chapter. And a special pink rose to my Fic-Sister Kerryn, and a red one to my RL Hubby for listening and plotting with me.**

**The songs mentioned in this chapter are Massive Attack "Paradise Circus-Gui Boratto Remix" and Goldfrapp "Pilots".**

**Warning: This story contains slash. That means men having sex with other men. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you're under 18, this is not for you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**xoxox**

JPOV

I felt empty. The space previously taken by the anger and pain was now a giant hole from my heart to my stomach, pressing on me, heavy with void, preventing me to get up. Crumbled on the floor, my breathing still shaky, I swept away the tears falling on my face with the backs of my hands. I felt utterly numb and exhausted. My throat was hurting; raw from all the shouting I had done, expressing my distress and my rage. My hands were aching from grasping the bat too tightly while hitting the used heavy bag. My body felt as tortured as my mind.

Now that the whole situation was out, I should have been able to comprehend it. But nothing made sense. My boss, Irina, had used me as a pawn in a chess match I was unaware of even playing. Her opponent was Royce, the man she lusted after, the one she wanted to have at her mercy. She wanted him to beg her for his promotion, but he refused it all. He neither wanted to sleep with her nor let her dominate him. Instead, he decided to teach her a lesson and steal some of her clients. If she really wanted to play, he would show her what kind of adversary he was. This game had been quite harmless and pretty beneficial for the company, until Irina gave me the promotion, including an unknown parameter in the equation. And this parameter had enflamed the whole situation a few weeks later just because of its sexual orientation, becoming the ideal substitute to Irina. What kind of gentleman would attack a woman anyway? What kind of man would even recognize publically being fooled by a woman? And on top of that, what kind of person could accept to have his job taken by a fag? Certainly not Royce. Having lost to Irina, unable to find a way to get his revenge, or punish her physically, he decided to punish me, the unworthy gay. That certainly was the manly thing to do, kicking the faggot's ass. I was the perfect outlet for his anger and frustration.

Their stupid game of power ended badly. It could have been worse, mind you. I could have died. Luckily, I didn't. The fag was alive, and supposedly not man enough to feel humiliated by all of this. I was not sure if I should be scared that someone hated me enough to nearly kill me, angry that I had been just a pawn in a bigger game, or mortified that it has never been about me at all. I didn't get the promotion thanks to my merits. Well, maybe I had. But now, who would believe it? The doubt would be there all the freaking time, worming its way inside the whole company and, more importantly, inside my heart. Rumors would always surround me.

_I was such a fool!_

So, I resigned. I hadn't even thought about it. It had been a pure impulse decision, an act of self-preservation that I didn't regret. It has been my way to regain my dignity, to be my own man again and their plaything no more. My way to recover.

Until then, I had just been surviving, clinging to Edward, focusing on him, because let's be clear: I was too petrified to even start considering what had happened to me. I knew how to take care of him; I didn't know how to take care of myself. I certainly didn't know where to begin. Discovering the whole truth had woken me up abruptly. I was still dazed, but surely more alive and conscious than I have been so far. But damn, did it hurt! At least, I knew why now.

_I want to go home._

Slowly, I got up, supported by the wall behind me. With a throbbing head and sore muscles, I walked to the exit, cutting the lights and closing the door of the gym behind me. Once sitting in my car, I put my forehead on the steering wheel, knocking my glasses and pushing them harder on the bridge of my nose.

_I hate those damn glasses!_

Bella had pushed me to buy black-rimmed ones, and I nearly caved, but I didn't feel comfortable with them. I wanted something very discrete, with no frame: seeing the world through two windows circled in black made me claustrophobic. Bella had pouted, but I stood firmly. I had enough shit to deal with, without adding a pair of stupid spectacles to my annoyance. I knew I had made a good choice when Edward welcomed me home, stopping in the middle of his sentence to look at me. The intense kiss and delightful love making that followed had showed me better than any words how sexy he found me. Since then, each time I had put my glasses on, he would unconsciously lick his lips, his eyes riveted on me, his thoughts lost in some naughty fantasies. But as soon as he would catch me looking at him, he would blush, biting his bottom lip and turning his head to hide. I loved when he did that. It made me feel special and loved each and every time.

_I need Edward._

Starting the car, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Since the attack, he has been my refuge and the guardian of my sanity. My previous relationship had me running far away from any kind of connection. Yet, since he was in my life, I just couldn't get enough of him. The desperation, the need to feel his skin against mine, to kiss every inch of him, to bathe in his warmth was sometimes so intense, that I would groan just thinking about it. Just like now.

_God, I am pathetic… Or dramatically in love._

Keeping my thoughts on the road, I arrived to the flat in no time. I found a spot to park just a street away from home, in a well-illuminated area, and I was relieved not to have to use the garage. I haven't been there since the attack. The idea made me too uncomfortable.

_You need to man-up, Jasper. You can't let fear dictate your life anymore._

Taking a deep breath, I started the car again and drove to the parking garage.

_Everything is fine. Royce isn't there. He is in jail. Everything is fine._

As I entered it, I felt goose bumps creeping in all over me. Stopping the car, I became unsure of what to do next. I needed to prove to myself that I was the one in control of my life, and not someone else. And for that, I just needed to drive to my spot, a few hundred meters further, and park. Then, I would get out of my car, lock it, and try not to run like a crazy person to the flat.

_I should have tried this in bright daylight._

A part of me wanted to just turn away and forget about the whole idea. Another part of me was shouting loudly that I had to be strong and just go.

_There is no monster hidden in the shadows, so stop it!_

My feet obeyed my command before the scared-me was able to think again, and the car moved to my parking spot. I negotiated with myself that I would still be a man if I checked out the area to make sure it was safe before exiting the car. Taking it slow made me cautious, not cowardly and it was perfectly all right to be afraid. I just had to not chicken out.

Once parked, I switched off the car and listened to the silence. My hands were clenching on the steering wheel, as I realized that I needed to unlock the door to actually get out. Groaning, I banged my head a few times on the headrest. Breathing deeply once again, I gave myself five seconds to panic before behaving rationally.

_One – Royce is right there waiting for you to get out_

_Two – He may have brought more friends_

_Three – And this time he will kill you_

_Four – You will suffer like hell feeling their punches but unable to move_

_Five – And it's Edward who will find you, dead on the ground_

_Edward. Edward is home, waiting for you and if you move your sorry ass, you can lose yourself in him in ten minutes, max._

Repeating Edward's name over and over like a protective mantra, I gathered my things and unlocked the door. Once out, I remembered to lock the car before walking quickly away – but without running - to the exit of the parking lot. I even managed not to look back and straightened up, to appear unafraid. Still, as soon as I reached the well-illuminated street by our flat, I took support on the wall to catch my breath and calm my fast-beating heart.

_God! I did it! FUCK YOU IRINA! FUCK YOU ROYCE!_

Suddenly, I started laughing and laughing. Relief and happiness flooded through me: relief for my self and happiness at facing my fear. I had been scared of ghosts, but I was safe now. They had vanished. Everything would be just all right from now on.

Feeling exhilarated, I ran to the flat and banged the main door open. Rushing to the stairs, unwilling to wait for the elevator, I climbed them two steps at a time, up the four levels to reach our flat. I couldn't wait to take Edward in my arms and share it with him.

Throwing the keys on the entrance table, I took out my shoes while looking for him.

"Edward, Love? Where are you?"

Looking in all the rooms, I quickly realized he wasn't here. Disappointed, I took my phone and sent him a text message.

"I need you."

Impatient for him to come back, I tried to find something to keep me occupied.

_I am so sore. Maybe a shower would help me relax._

I was undressing and walking to the bathroom when my phone rang.

"Jasper?"

"Hey, Love. I'm home."

"I'm on my way. You're okay?"

"Yes. I am great, actually. I just can't wait to see you."

"I was with Emmett at the lake. I'll be there in ten. Are you sure you're okay?"

"If you really want to know, you'll have to hurry up."

He chuckled at my cheerful tone before adding, "I'd better run then", and disconnected the call.

Grinning, I turned on the water to get it warm before plugging my phone to the bathroom sound system. I had always loved listening to music and dancing while showering. It was honestly one of my favorite things to do. Going through my play-lists, I skipped the melancholic ones before settling on something sexy but relaxing. The rhythm of the song was sensual, a bit tribal. Predatory. Stepping in the shower, I already imagined what I would do to Edward once he was here. Caressing his smooth and silky skin in rhythm with the music, slowly swinging my hips against his. Tongue deep in his mouth, chest against back, hands in his abs or his shaft and sweet delicious moans escaping his mouth and swallowed by me. I was growing hard just thinking about it.

Taking the soap, I lathered myself languidly, massaging my aching muscles, while swaying my body to the slow part of the music. This song was just so perfect, alternating soft with more intense moments. I smiled to myself when the tempo picked up, thinking how perfect it would be to pound into Edward. The song started again, coming back to the drumming part. My eyes closed and I became lost to the music, feeling the rain shower cascading down onto my naked body, hitting my shaft, which was now begging for attention.

_You'll have to wait for Edward._

I chuckled, feeling silly to actually talk to my cock. Seeing it bouncing around with the music made me laugh.

"Enjoying yourself?"

I turned, startled by Edward's arrival. He was standing against the door, his arms crossed on his chest, a bit flushed, probably from running, but smiling. He looked like he had been observing me for a few minutes.

"Care to join me?"

He nodded, taking off his shoes while reaching for the phone to change the songs.

"Leave it. I like it."

Shaking his head, amused, he got quickly undressed. I watched him get rid of his T-shirt, revealing his creamy chest and well-defined abs. He swung his hips while unbuckling his pants, smiling playfully at me. Edward had teased me a lot about my habit of listening to music while showering, until he sneaked in to see me dance and the view got him so excited that he joined me. Since then, the music had been an unspoken call for the other one to come and share some sensual moments under the rain shower.

Uncovering his long and lean legs, he stood naked in front of me and stopped swaying. My boy was suddenly feeling self-conscious, so I reached out and pulled him to me. His sweet giggle and the flagrant joy in his eyes had my heart fluttering. Taking his face in my hands, I looked at him. There was so much to see, if you took the time to observe. First, the striking color of his eyes: outline by gold, like a sun rising above a dense jungle, lighting the emerald leaves shining through hundreds of water drops. The color concentrated the closer you got to the pupil, enhancing to a darker shade of green. The one you can only find deep in the pine forest, where secrets are kept and legends are created. And then there was his intense gaze, expressing his love, his concern, still unsure of what was happening to me, but ready to fulfill any needs I might have. Even if all I wanted was to lose myself into his eyes and find shelter in this green alcove.

"I went to the parking lot and left the car there before walking home."

I was trying to look nonchalant but studying his face cautiously to see his reaction. He didn't make me wait long, as his eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open.

"You went to the parking lot? Alone?"

Smirking, I nodded. Feeling cocky about it was so easy now that I was safe at home with Edward, that I nearly rolled my eyes at myself.

_You're so full of shit, Jasper!_

I was about to tell him how terrified I had really been when I saw his enamored and proud face.

_God, he is so gorgeous._

Leaning closer to him, I brushed my lips against his. He sighed, his warm breath entering my mouth, enticing me to deepen the kiss. With one hand on his wet hair, I tilted his head before licking his tongue and nibbling at his lips. Kissing his jaw, I whispered, "I think I deserve a reward."

He chuckled as my free hand glided down his back to find its favorite place on his firm ass cheeks. I pushed him against me, groaning at the feeling of his hard shaft rubbing against my hip. Gasping a little, he replied with lustful eyes, "You should claim it then."

Letting go of his lips, I licked the drops of water down his neck to his collarbone and across to his shoulder, while turning to have my chest against his back. He leaned his head forward, giving me better access to the nape of his neck. His skin was so sensitive there that a brush of my stubble or a caress of my hand would make him shudder and whimper for more.

Never breaking contact with his skin, I sucked his delicate skin, leaving a purple mark on his ivory skin. Hot water was pouring over us, tiny droplets falling on our bodies that heightened our senses and arousal. With my hands on his hips, I pressed myself against his ass, inciting him to follow the rhythm of the song with me. Our slow movements nestled my shaft against his hole and the feeling of his naked skin against mine was sending shots of desire all though my body. Wrapped up in the music, we reached for each other's lips, and kissed longingly while sliding against each other.

Moaning softly, Edward braced himself against the tiles of the shower, arching his back towards me. I leaned on him, passing my tongue over his wet spinal column until I reached the mark I left on him. I sucked at it again, hoping to get the mark a deeper red. My hands wandered on his body along with the slow rhythm of the piano, lazily drawing circle patterns on his sides and chest. And when the bass picked up the tempo, I bit his neck and accentuated the movements of my hips. Edward let out a low moan and a few shaky breaths that added a sensual chorus to the singer's voice.

He turned his head towards me, eyes closed and tongue out, reaching for me. Bending more onto him, I caught it and tasted him. His whimper concluded the song, echoing in the suddenly silent bathroom.

As the melody started for the umpteenth time, Edward bit his lower lip and opened his eyes, showing me all his desperation.

"Take your reward, Jasper."

Groaning, I kissed his temple, needing to be inside him, to feel protected by his warmth. Grabbing lube and condom, I quickly prepared him and myself, reveling in his gasps and mews.

_No one can ever take this from me._

Growling approvingly, Edward pushed back on my fingers, letting me know that he was more than ready for me to claim him. I couldn't help but tease him though, as I lingered against his hole without entering. His breathy pleas and moans were even more sensual than the song filling the room. When the music slowed to a stop before picking up the beat, I thrust into his narrow heat. He cried out and pushed back onto me, shoving me deeper. Leaning against him, I rested my forehead against his back. After lapping the drops of his skin, I moaned against his wet skin.

"Mine."

I was trying to hold back my orgasm but being sheltered in my lovely boy, far from all the hate of the world, was making it emotionally difficult.

"I'm here. I'm yours. Just take me."

Taking a deep breath, I let his love guide me and I pushed back into him. As I stroked continually at his sweet spot, I heard Edward's lustful pleas fill the room. We were both so close to coming that the background song was completely forgotten. Focusing only on him, I captured his shaft in my hand, letting him rock himself on my fist and then back on my cock. He whimpered, clenching painfully tight onto me, urging my orgasm, until his hot cum streamed on my hand and mine filled the condom deep inside him.

Breathlessly, I fell onto his back as he flattened against the tiled wall. I could feel his heart pounding, responding to mine, telling me that I wasn't alone. Wrapping my arms around his body, I clung onto him, my face nuzzling his neck while my cock stayed deep inside him. His fingers found mine and he squeezed them, reassuring me silently.

Taking support on the wall, I finally pulled out of him, getting rid of the condom before pressing my back to the wall. My legs were shaking a little, exhausted. Edward seemed in the same state, as he slid down to the floor. I joined him, pulling him to me to cuddle him from behind. I wasn't ready to let him go yet. He sighed contented, relaxing against me, his head on my shoulder. The rain shower washed away the remains of our cum, as we dozed off for a while.

"We need to change the song."

I nodded, my nose brushing his ear.

"You should go, it is your phone."

I chuckled at his attempt to stay put.

"You'll have to move to let me out."

He opened his eyes and smiled at me, before slowly moving to give me space to get up. Reluctantly, I stood up, rolling my eyes at him. I cringed on how sore my muscles were; it was even worse than before the shower. Very carefully, I stepped out and hobbled to the sound system.

Edward mumbled the song he wanted, so I complied with his lullaby-like choice and came back to him. I helped my sleepy boy up and decided to kiss him awake. I leisurely pressed my lips to his, drawing their shape with the tip of my tongue, before giving a peck on his nose. He looked so cute all languorous against me. My nose brushed against the side of his until his eyes flustered open, his lashes leaving butterfly's kisses on my cheek. I kept him locked in my arms, unwilling to let him go until the water cooled down, forcing us to leave our haven.

Without a word, I turned it off and pulled him out of the shower. Smiling, I dried him off with a fleecy towel, paying extra attention to his thighs and ass. He then nibbled my collarbone while I toweled myself dry. I switched off the sound system and hand in hand, we walked naked to our room. Once on our bed, Edward snuggled into me, looking like a contented cat ready to purr. Nuzzling his hair, I breathed him in, closing my eyes to fully lose myself in his fresh and clean scent.

"You're okay now?"

I nodded, enjoying the feeling of his fingers on my nipple and his breath on my skin. I was finally relaxed and so I had no desire to speak about what happened earlier. The whirlwind of emotions from this day had been exhausting and I just wanted to forget it all in his embrace. I was aware that after all the support and love Edward had given me, I should tell him something. Though, I really didn't want to kill this moment of serenity.

"Let's just say that I have a better understanding of the events that lead to my attack, and of whom I can and cannot trust. So I resigned."

Propping himself onto me, he looked at me with a shocked face.

"You resigned?"

"Yes. I did it impulsively, but I think that is for the best."

I stroked his face reassuringly, trying to convey that I was completely at peace with my decision.

"So you are free now?"

"Yes. In a way, I am. Free to do whatever I want, actually."

"Do you know what you want to do?"

"No idea. I need to think about it all."

He moved his hand to my hair, caressing the nape of my neck, while resting his head on my chest.

"Yeah, I know the feeling. But, you know, it is just hard to think here, surrounded by all our demons. I wish sometimes that I could go somewhere far to take a break."

_Going far… taking a trip and leaving all of this behind us for a while._

The more I thought about it, the more I loved the idea.

"Edward, what do you think of Paris?"

**xoxox**

**Reviews are pure love in a few words, so please leave some:)**

**Seren**


	9. Future Take  Kiss Me More

_Here is a future-take written for The Fandom Gives back. Thank you to Maura for buying me and for accepting to share. You are a total Sweetheart!_

_Big big thanks, cuddles, and red roses for the support and help of these wonderful ladies, without whom Maura would have waited another three months to read this. In alphabetical order, there are Jen, Kerryn, Kim and Penny._

_Plot by my patient Maura._ _Pre-reading by Kerryn._ _Betaing by Penny._

_Warning: this plot contains only slash smut and male/male tenderness. NSFW._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight._

-oOo-

Waiting for Edward in front of the old theater, tickets in hand, I was impatient for the evening to start. I have been fantasizing about this evening for quite some time now, and I was more than ready to finally live it.

I felt so lucky that Quill helped me. As band manager, he had been able to give me full access to the concert hall. Without him, I couldn't have pulled it off. Edward, hopefully, would love his present as much as I knew I would.

I had spent weeks trying to think of something special to give him for our anniversary. Edward's gifts were always so thoughtful. It was always more about showing his love to me, about giving me a piece of him , than just a mere present.

On our first year together, my love had started this crazy tradition to have two anniversaries. After an evening stupidly arguing about what date was actually our day, Edward unilaterally decided that we would have two dates: his and mine. Edward's was the day we met, and mine was the day we made love for the first time.

Rolling his eyes, he had even added, "Why not the day of our first kiss, while we are at it? You are such a romantic, Jazz…"

"Says the guy who just decided that we have two anniversaries…"

Chuckling while crawling on my lap, he whispered, "Shut up." And then, he kissed me.

The following night was one of my fondest memories and closed the deal of our two special dates. As they were a few weeks apart, it gave each of us an opportunity to celebrate our life together in our very own way.

This year has been important for Edward. We had passed through the fated seven years, made it to our eighth, and still felt immensely in love with each other. Life has been so much calmer lately. Our beginnings had been so up and down, that it was nice to just live and enjoy and not constantly worry.

To commemorate our life together, Edward had brought me back to our college; in front of the inscription I had left for my Dad, facing the one written for Mike. My love wanted us to share our current life with the two persons that meant so much to us. He asked me to write a personal message to each of them, and then to write one with him, as a couple. Writing to my Dad after all this time had been a very emotional experience. I told him about my life with Edward, and about what happened since he left. I couldn't help wondering if he was proud of me and if I was the man he had dreamt I would become. I felt vulnerable as we sat on the grass for hours, sharing our visions of our life, our future, and our projects. We talked about Nahuel, describing him to our dear lost ones. Edward was still shocked about his decision to call us Dad and Daddy, even though we weren't. He, who had been so present and caring for this kid from the very beginning, had surprisingly completely freaked out and even considered sending him to a psychologist. He was persuaded that Nahuel was somehow traumatized and unable to know his place in our family. The one that put some sense in his head had been his brother, of course.

Nearly manhandling Nahuel to come in front of us, with his big hands on the kid's frail shoulders, an exasperated Emmett had said, "Repeat to your dads what you just told me so that Edward can stop worrying uselessly and use his brain again!"

Leaning his head backward, looking at Emmett from upside down, Nahuel asked, "What's wrong with Daddy's brain?"

"It's been unused for the past 29 years…"

"Emmett…"

"See? No brain, Halfling, so he has to growl. He can't speak."

"Emmett!" I wasn't sure if Edward was upset by his brother teasing or the nickname he picked for Nahuel.

"Edward! Stop growling and let your son speak. Go on, Halfling."

Nahuel then explained that we were the ones raising him and even if we weren't genetically his dads, he didn't care. He thought he was lucky and decided that we deserved the same name than the other adults in his friends' lives, because we were doing the same job: raising and loving him.

Edward's unused brain took a few seconds to process what his son just said before he hugged him hard, tears ready to fall. I was, of course, completely unmoved by all of this. I just had a lot of allergies on that day.

Spending the day remembering our milestones and imagining the next ones was a beautiful and very poignant gift. As usual, Edward's day had been more about strengthening our spiritual bond; creating tender moments to fill our heart with love. Mine were generally more about our physical connection. And this year, it was about fulfilling one of Edward's fantasies.

The old theater was the perfect place for it. The concert was taking place in the pit, the upstairs balconies being closed for safety. The organizers were afraid that the public would get carried away during the show and maybe fall over the edge. Quill, as he was part of the organization team, had given me some backstage access. I didn't want to see the group afterwards, I just wanted access to one of the said balconies and have some privacy with my man during a very crowded event.

_I just have to connect his brain to his cock and all will be fine!_

Smirking at my own thoughts, I spotted him walking towards me. He was dressed all in black, incredibly sexy in his tight pants, molding perfectly to his legs and gorgeous ass. His button up shirt was slightly opened, showing the lines of his toned chest.

"Hey!"

"Hey Love!"

I pulled him by his neck towards me and leaned in to kiss him. He tasted of caramel and cookies.

"Had a late snack with Nahuel?"

He smiled, his eyes full of mischief.

"What gave me away?"

"You taste of our son's favorite ice-cream!"

Knowing he was completely busted, he chuckled, "It's yours too, if I recall well…."

He came closer, pressing his lips against mine, wrapping his arms around my body and holding me tightly. I love how he felt, all strong and willing to melt against me at the same time. It was a mixture of strength and softness.

Reluctantly, I pulled back and whispered against his lips, "Come on. Let's go inside and watch the concert."

With a tender gaze, Edward gave me one last ice cream flavored kiss before slipping his fingers in between mine.

"Yes, Sir."

Rolling my eyes, I gently propelled him towards the ticket area . A long queue had formed in front of the theater and I silently thanked Quill for the premium passes we had, as we entered the theater without waiting.

Walking towards the pit area, I saw Edward watching the inside of the theater with interest. The building had an old run-down art-deco design that, in it's heyday, would have been a sight to see. The grandeur it once held still somehow showed behind the grime and filth of the last eighty years. The color of the red walls was so faded, it almost looked brown from years of smoke and neglect. The gold sconces were all dull and lifeless. Yet, the theater still held the mystery of what they had seen within these walls. The stories this old building had captured within it's internal fixtures could keep a person entranced for months, if not years. There was a regal beauty within it's aged and dirty existence that Edward, as an architect, clearly couldn't miss.

I led us to the middle of the pit, a bit in the back, to fasten our later escape, and let him examine the building design. Taking him in my arms, I nodded from time to time at the comments he made about the structure of the ceiling or the decorations on the balconies. Listening to his passionate rambling still had the same effect on me as it did on our first date. A wave of fondness washed over me until the need to kiss his ever moving lips would overcome me and cut short his monologue. Seeing how he never minded me interrupting him in that manner, I sometimes wondered if he didn't notice the pattern and was just using it at his advantage.

We punctuated architectural remarks with kisses until the concert started, and then enjoyed the first songs. Edward was having a great time, dancing, eyes closed, lost in the music, before turning and searching for me, smiling.

Then the rhythm slowed, sensual notes surrounding us, and I got my cue to begin my surprise for Edward. My goal was to turn him on so much that all his inhibitions would dissolve. For what I had planned tonight, I needed him unable to think or protest, just completely wanton.

Sliding my hands down his back, I wrapped them around his abs, bringing us closer. His toned body was pressing deliciously against my hardening cock. Brushing his hair from the nape of his neck with my nose, I licked the sensitive skin before blowing on it. I could feel Edward's body shiver, responding to me so easily.

"I dreamt of you last night," I breathed into his ear.

"Yeah?"

"Yes. You were drawing on your stand-up table, so focused on your work that you didn't notice me. I came behind you silently, capturing your arms and binding them behind you with my tie. You tried to look at me, surprised by the interruption, but I hushed you. You were safe against me."

Groaning, Edward pressed closer to me, settling my already aching cock in the middle of his sweet ass.

"Did you fuck me?"

"No, not then. That would be too easy, Love. I preferred to tease you until you begged me to."

He swallowed hard as I continued with the light caresses on the very hot skin of his abs.

"I pressed your chest on your desk and pushed your legs open to settle between them. I caressed your body everywhere. I just had this unbearable need of you to quench."

"Need you too…"

"Really?" I wandered down his abdomen, grazing my nails over his hip under his shirt, before nearing his shaft. It was definitely hard.

"You do…I n my dreams you did as well. You looked so uncertain and excited, unsure of what to expect, but already so needy for what was to come. Just like now."

Edward was moaning now, his head leaning on my shoulder, and his back arched to keep the pressure of his ass on my cock. Stroking his shaft lightly, I sucked at his neck, feeling the quickening pulse under my lips. It was divine.

With one last lick, I stopped tormenting his skin and murmured, "I unbuttoned the waistband of your pants, pushing them to your knees before doing the same with your underwear. I dropped to my knees behind you and caressed your shaft. I wasn't touching anything else but your cock. It was so hard, so hot, purple with need and desperate to be in my mouth."

"Jazz…"

Edward's pleas were injecting pure desire through my veins. I was on the edge of losing control when I needed him to be the one unable to think. After a quick check that nobody was looking at us, I swiftly opened his pants and dipped my fingers under his tight jeans.

"Jasper!" He gasped, warning replacing passion, as I teased the hair just above his hardened length.

"Shhh… I got you."

Edward tensed against me, breathing hard. Continuing my sensual caress, I tried to soothe him back to arousal.

"Nobody is watching us. The lights are too dim for them to see. There is just you and me."

He scanned the room quickly, surely looking for any potential voyeurs. Finding none, he started to relax again, leaning on me. I kept on dancing with him, maintaining my light touch on his skin, doodling my way down to his cock.

His head lolled back on my shoulder as I took his shaft in my hand. He moaned into my neck, lips parted, until his tongue poked out, wetting them for me. I leaned onto him and captured them, longing for a taste of him. His eyes were closed, his breath coming out erratically, as his hands grabbed the back of my thighs, urging me impossibly closer.

"I need you, Edward…. want to feel you in my mouth. Your cock would fill me so perfectly..."

Groaning against his skin, I licked his skin, making him whimper.

"And your musky taste…. so delicious…."

I bit the side of his neck, marking him once again, longing to taste him in a more intimate way. Edward was moaning endlessly, shivering under my hands, goose bumps spreading all over his skin.

" Your cock leaking on my tongue, swelling as I take you further in."

"Jasper…" His tone was so desperate, the extent of his need conveyed by the bare whisper of my name.

"Yes, Love?" I nipped at his ear, teasing him while grinding my body against his.

"Do you want to know if I let you come? If I swallowed you? Or, do you want me to show you? Want me to take you in my mouth now? Have me feel your hot cum slide down my throat?"

Edward turned his face towards me. His eyes were clouded by lust, clearly showing me that he had lost the last shred of control.

"Yes…please…"

All rational thoughts were finally leaving him; his mental barriers were erased by arousal: he was letting lust take over.

Capturing his lips, I devoured his mouth, playing with his tongue. I turned him so he was facing me and kept on kissing him, swallowing his aroused cries. I couldn't wait any longer. I needed to feel him bare against me.

_But not here. Not like this._

Zipping him up, I looked into his beautiful eyes.

"Come with me."

Taking his hand, I zigzagged us between the dancing bodies and out of the pit.

I really wanted to realize his fantasy but he was too shy – and me too possessive – to actually do it right in the middle of the crowd. The balconies on the first floor were just perfect for what I had in mind. We would be in public but still sheltered from unwanted scrutiny.

Passing the security check thanks to our backstage badges, I winked at a confused Edward before taking the stairs two at a time. He followed me while asking, "Where are we going?"

Reaching the first level, I turned around, catching his belt while walking backwards. "Somewhere private; a place where I can fulfill my dream…."

Pulling him towards me, I murmured in his ear, "And, make one of your naughtiest fantasies a reality."

He frowned slightly, puzzled until realization drew upon him, and he blushed.

"You mean… here?"

Nodding, I tugged on his arm, silently telling him to follow me, escorting him towards a private alcove. The thick wooden door opened on red-carpet covered walls and golden ornaments, before giving way to the majestic view of the scene. The concert was still on, sensual melodies filling the space and reaching us, inciting the audience to passionate foreplay.

_Or, maybe it's just me…_

With renewed determination, I pressed Edward to the wall facing the scene and kissed him senseless. I badly needed to get any part of his body inside mine.

Focused on their goal, my hands used this time to undress him once again and push down his jeans and underwear.

"Jazz? Are you sure that nobody will see?"

"They are all downstairs watching the show. It's just us. Relax, Love, and enjoy."

My lips brushed one last time against his before my knees bent to the floor. I was finally where I wanted to be since the concert started.

Applause and shouts erupted from the pit as the rhythm of the song quickened to a pulsating beat. The group was playing their most famous song, and the tempo was perfect for what I had in mind.

_Let's start this private show!_

Blocking out everything else, I focused solely on Edward. Nosing the patch of hair around his shaft, I breathed in the rich aroma of Edward's scent. It was heady, addictive, and absolutely mouth-watering.

Edward's green eyes were watching me, studying my every move, impatient. My lips locked to the side of his shaft, sucking up a dark red mark that caused Edward to growl for me.

"I just love leaving marks on you…" I breathed on him as I held his shaft at the base.

"Your neck..." I murmured, licking a slow path up the side. I looked up. "Your cock."

Watching him getting lost in the pleasure, I opened my mouth over the head of his shaft. He had his lips parted, his gaze still fixed on me as I slid my tongue over his slit.

"Do you want this?" I asked as I flicked my tongue, swirling the tip with a tantalizing sweep.

I watched him nodding eagerly, unsuccessfully stifling a cry, before seizing my shoulders.

"I love this look on you... so desperate and frustrated."

I lapped the clear droplets that gathered on his tip, longing to feast on him. Trying to keep my lust on check, I teased him some more.

"Tell me what you want, Edward. Voice how you want to feel my tongue all over your shaft, the grip of my throat around you."

"Please…" His fingers left my shoulders to press against my neck, pushing me into him.

"Please what?" I asked, lapping at his head again, lingering around his slit.

"Suck me, dammit! "

His hips moved, pushing in my willing mouth. I relaxed my throat, allowing him to slide deeper, until he was all the way in.

With my nose touching his copper hair, I closed my eyes, reveling in the softness of his skin.

Then he began to move, very slowly, as if savoring the tightness of my throat. His chin was on his chest, lips parted, and eyes closed. He was trying to control himself. His fingers flexed in my hair, hesitating, wanting to just grasp and thrust.

Putting my hands on his hips, I forced him to push back and pull in again. Opening his eyes, he looked at me, confused and needy, before I repeated the movement, quickening my pace. I accentuated the strength of each push and pull by placing my hands on his ass cheeks. I could barely hear his cries above the loud music, but I knew he lost control when he thrust harder, driving into me.

I moaned my approval, sending shivers into him. Swallowing around him every chance I got, I was desperate to taste his cum. I heard him growl loudly, his hips snapping up and his hands tightening in my hair. He was finally letting go of his last inhibitions and just fucking my mouth, his moans lost in the acclamation of the public.

Using me urgently, he forgot about the group and spectators downstairs, who only had to turn their heads to get a view of him in the cusps of pleasure. Knowing that they could see his handsome face flushed with excitement, perfect image of total abandonment, was arousing me even further.

I couldn't wait to feel his hot cum poured over my tongue, and to greedily drink it down. I wanted to feel his salty sour flavor lingering on my tongue.

_But what I want more is for him to take me._

_Right here._

_Right now._

That was one of Edward's hottest fantasies, as well as the one he was the most ashamed and reluctant to experience. That's why it was my gift to him for our anniversary. Half-hidden, half-exposed, he would make me his during this concert.

As my mind filled with images of what was to come, I moaned around his flesh. Stopping his movements, I pulled back to suck on the tip. Edward was breathing hard above me, taking support on my shoulders as not to collapse forward. I licked his cock one last time from base to tip, before nudging it with my nose.

Opening his shirt little by little, I ventured back up his body: a small kiss on his hips, a nibble on his abs, a lick on his nipple... I finished my ascent to his ear by grazing my teeth against his collarbone and biting his neck lightly.

"Take me now, Love. Thrust into me like you did my mouth."

He moaned, breathless, his hands tightening on my shirt and his bare cock seeking release by rubbing on my jeans.

"I want to feel you deep inside me."

"What?"

He was trying to get out of his lustful haze, but looked so disoriented that I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Your hard cock, filling me, stretching me. Don't you want that?"

He shook his head, eyes still unfocused, unable to understand my words.

And suddenly, all made sense again. His eyes zoomed in on me, perceptibly darkening, as realization set in.

"Here?"

Smirking, I nodded. Reaching for my back pocket, I discretely pulled out the small bottle of lube.

"Isn't this what you dreamt about, Edward? Taking me in public? Marking me as yours for everyone to see?"

"Jazz…." His voice was menacing, daring me to continue. I gave him the lube, goading him.

"Do it! Take me!"

And he just did. Seizing my neck with his free hand, he crushed my mouth to his. His demanding tongue was plunging into me, devouring. Turning us around, he pushed me against the wall. With steady hands, he unfastened my trousers and pushed them down. He then took down my boxers by sliding his hands over my bare ass. Pushing them out of the way quickly, he slipped resolute fingers to my hole.

I moaned and he growled, becoming more aggressive by the minute.

He swiftly grabbed my hips and turned me around. His lips fastened against my shoulder, licking and kissing, as he pushed my legs as open has my pants would allow. He bent me slightly, wanting better access, and slid two slick fingers inside me.

How he managed to get his fingers full of lube in the short time he got me against the wall, I would never know, and I actually didn't care much once he started moving.

He wasn't forceful, but he wasn't tender either. He was intending to prepare me but clearly expected me to get ready fast. I was all too eager to feel him in me, having dreamt about this moment for so long. His fantasy had become mine until I couldn't stop plotting ways to have him lose control and just fuck me against any surface, while people passed by, unaware but still able to catch us.

He pulled out his fingers, replacing them with his firm and leaking cock, pushing his way in.

I stopped writhing, focusing on relaxing. I pushed back to get him deeper, until he was fully inside. He was filling me so completely.

_So hard and thick._

He bit me, growling once again, the rumbling coming from deep inside his chest and echoing on my back. We both stopped moving, just treasuring this few seconds before waves of lust would sweep us away.

And then he moved, retreating before thrusting hard into me.

"Oh, God!"

"Yeah…"

Edward changed position slightly until he rubbed across my prostate, bringing me to the edge of explosion. He was still again while I was desperately trying to calm down. With erratic breaths, I bent against the wall, pushing my hips out to signify that he could move. Following my lead, he thrust into me, staying still inside me for a few seconds, his hands tightening on my hips before pulling out and going back in.

His rhythm was tantalizing. It was a slow rocking, alternating hard thrusts with seconds of inaction, that would have me begging if I could find my voice. I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to the wall, trying not to collapse under the waves of lust that rolled inside me. I felt ready to cum but it was way too soon. I wanted this to last forever. I wanted him to keep going and never stop. I adored having him so firm and warm inside me, his smooth and slick shaft ramming back and forth, claiming my body over and over again.

_Such a rare and precious moment._

Needing to see him, I turned my face towards him but stopped when my gaze fell on a red light across the concert hall. It looked like a red firefly, slowly flying around before settling against the wall.

Edward rid me of my distraction by biting my shoulder.

"Jasper…"

He moaned into my neck, sending shivers all over my body. I contracted around him, tightening my hold, preventing him to move. I wanted to keep him inside... to have him be mine only.

I was always surprised how much Edward needed me to stay in him afterwards, never wanting me to leave his body, having us connected as long as our bodies would allow it.

"A part of you inside of me," he had murmured once, sated and sleepy in my arms.

At that moment, I finally knew why, and I craved it as well. I wanted to be his, longing to be marked. Edward throbbed in me, sensing my hunger to belong to him.

The arousing tempo and seductive lyrics that were exciting the crowd below created a bubble of lust that encouraged our lovemaking like in some kind of tribal rite.

I was a whimpering mess, keening noises leaving my throat without my consent. I was unable to stay silent and not really sure to care. Nothing else mattered but Edward's hands all over my body, his moans in my ears, and his cock buried inside me.

His groans got louder and his hold tighter, nearly painful, as if his fingers wanted to enter me as well. His thrusts became stronger and faster, rubbing my sweet spot over and over. His cock felt bigger and bigger, taking all the space, overwhelming my body, my heart, and my soul, until it was too much. Unable to contain it, I let it all go, crying out and exploding, lightning flashing from my fingers to my toes and shivers running all over my skin. Edward was pulsating in me, giving me his essence while breathing hard in my ears.

He collapsed onto me as I did on the wall. Our bodies were a tangled mess, a pure picture of contentment after our love fest.

I stopped him before he moved, resting my hand on the one he had on my hip.

"Stay… just a little longer…"

He nodded against my skin, holding me in place, keeping his softening member nestled inside me. He nuzzled my neck, kissing me behind my ear, licking my sensitive skin and worrying it with his teeth. I shivered, wriggling under his touch, not sure if I wanted him to stop or to continue. I was in an overload of sensations after coming without the briefest touch on my cock, yet I couldn't get enough of him.

When he slipped out of me, I whimpered in frustration. I wanted him back, and I felt utterly empty without him. Slowly opening my eyes, I turned around to face Edward. He was taking off his jeans and underwear. He put his jeans back on before walking closer to me. Using his boxers, he wiped me clean very gently, before taking care of himself. After folding the stained garment and tucking it into his back pocket, he kissed me and caressed my still naked ass.

"You alright?"

His gaze on me was so intense, so full of love, and lingering arousal. Gone was the younger man, barely out of the teenage years that he was when I first met him. My shy and sweet Edward was still self-conscious, but showing a growing confidence that I couldn't get enough of.

"Yes. Kiss me again."

His smile got lost against my lips as his mouth pressed on mine. He focused his attention on my lower lip before licking the upper one, silently asking to enter me once again, if just with his tongue. I eagerly obliged him, missing him so much, taking pleasure in the soft brushes of his tongue exploring me.

We kissed for the longest time, mingling our breaths and souls, still half naked and slightly dripping of each other. And I couldn't care less. I was in my own little world where Edward was the only one to exist.

Until, taking us by surprise, the crowd roared in applause, signaling the end of the concert.

-oOo-

It took me a week to realize that fireflies weren't living in concert halls, glowing with a red halo while guys made love in front of them.

We were at our favorite bar, a couple of blocks away from our flat, having a few drinks with friends. Nahuel was sleeping over at a friend's, leaving us free for the night. I had hoped for an early night in an empty house with a very naked Edward, but Emmett had insisted on our presence, with the pretext that we needed to catch up with the band. Not that it wasn't a good reason, but still…

So, Edward's brother, Rose, Quill, his new boyfriend Seth, Riley, Victoria, Maria, and Peter were all seated at our tables, sharing news about their lives. It was a joyous banter, all smiles, laughing, and teasing. Carlisle, the manager of the bar, came to say hello. He offered us all a free round of beer, as we hadn't been there in a long time. We were happily buzzed when Carlisle turned up the sound of the television, asking everybody to be quiet. The news was about last week's concert, and Carlisle, who had taken Quill under his wing, was more than proud to show off his success to everyone.

"That night was pure perfection," I whispered in Edward's ear. Glancing back at me, he smiled and bit his bottom lip.

All I wanted to do was worry his lip for him, but Emmett bumped into me.

"You two lovebirds behave!"

We both chuckled, instinctively reaching for each other's hands under the table. I squeezed his fingers, entwining them with mine, and turned back to watch the interview of the leader of the group.

"The concert has been an incredible success! The band is amazed by the reaction of the public and that all the tickets were sold in no time. And now, thanks to some strangers, there is even more buzz about us. This year, our tour was about love and sensuality, and we were really hoping that the audience would enjoy it. I guess we got more than expected!"

A dark video was then launched, showing shadows of two male figures having sex against a wall on one of the balconies above the crowd.

"Oh my fucking God!"

Everybody was staring at the screen with open mouths, Edward looking like a deer caught in headlights. I was astonished as well, but suddenly felt completely stupid not to realize what the red firefly had been: the light of a camera.

"Shit! No way! No fucking way!"

Riley turned to us, eyes wide, pointing towards the screen. Maria and Peter looked lost, Emmett started to smirk, and Quill and Seth chuckled.

_Busted…_

"Way to go, bro!" Emmett's big hand slapped on Edward's shoulder."I didn't know you had it in you…"

"Stop it. That isn't us." Edward was trying to get out of Emmett's hold without much success, not realizing that the mere fact that he was furiously blushing wasn't helping his case.

"Yeah, sure, it isn't you at all…" Emmett rolled his eyes at Edward, everybody laughing at us.

"How can you even tell? I mean, it is just shadows."

"We probably wouldn't have guessed, if Quill haven't showed us the video earlier while telling us about your little escapade on the first floor for your anniversary!"

"Carlisle!" Edward and Quill shouted, offended, if not for the same reasons.

"Beer is on me again!" The bartender was smirked, not at all ashamed to lay it thick on us.

"So Jasper, you do bottom then…" This time it was Edward's turn to roll his eyes at Emmett's question.

"I do. But next time, I'll make sure there is no camera."

Everybody laughed while Edward leaned closer to me, whispering against my neck, "Are you sure about that? Because I really wanted to try out another one of my fantasies."

"Really?"

Licking my lips, I turned towards him. His intense green eyes and small smile were a promise of future naughtiness….

-oOo-


End file.
